What I Think And Feel

Heartsick by Chelsea Cain

2011-01-18T23:05:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I wrote something. Now I want to share the books I've following been following for a while now. It was introduced to me by my cousin's friend.

It was a book written amazingly by Chelsea Cain. The first novel, Heartsick

was about Detective Archie Sheridan being called back to work by partner, Henry Sobol. Archie became a successful detective after capturing the Beauty Killer, Gretchen Lowell, with the help of his Beauty Killer Task Force. At the same time with the reporter, Susan Ward, thrown into the mix to write a profile of the said Detective.

You are also going to have a chance to read the snippets of the encounter of Archie with Gretchen and will give you questions as to why did the Beauty Killer did such things and what is her motive.

I found the book surprising and full of mystery. This book ain't for the squeamish type. It's downright dark, at the same time light. It's a book that's hard to drop.

The novel was introduced to me by a cousin’s friend when she found out that I’m interested in reading stories about psychopaths.

I got excited when I heard about Heartsick. When I saw the cover, I think it was very alluring to me. When I started reading it, I have to admit that I don’t have any expectations but when I got to the second chapter, it totally surprised me. I realized then that the book is mature and realistic in nature and that alone makes the novel worth reading already. I’ve completely immersed myself in their world, I felt so captivated. The characters feelings and experiences are so authentic. I wouldn't be surprise of the content because that’s what’s happening in real life.

I really like the fact that Chelsea Cain based the location of her book in real life. I can practically imagine the gory scenes she created especially the Gretchen Lowell crime scenes.

As I continued reading the next chapters, I kept asking myself, who is this Gretchen Lowell they keep mentioning about? Until I got into the chapter where I could meet her in person, I was more impressed of her mind games. Yes, she’s a psychopath but she’s so good at it you can’t help but be taken with her. Indeed it is a good combination, a beautiful serial killer. I know that a lot of people would be comparing it to Thomas Harris’ “Hannibal” and “Silence of the Lambs”, I think that heartsick still have its own originality and own thing that will attract audience to read it.

It is a novel that will certainly open up someone’s mind who is not aware that things like this happens in real life. I’m not even referring to the serial killing because I know that serial killing is overrated already. In our time, the things that teenagers or college students love to watch are CSI, Bones, Castle, LAPD, NCIS, Criminal Minds, and other shows that are concern with crime solving.

The characters of the book are well written and I love the part that they have their own mannerisms to be remembered easily.

I am actually done reading the second installment called Sweetheart.

The second novel we are going to dealt with Archie's problems due to his encounter with the beauty killer 2 years ago.

We will also see a different side of the characters you'd never thought possible. I am surprise by how things had turned out but the first novel will give you an inkling of what really happen in the past before the capture of Gretchen Lowell.

It will make the ride more exotic, hot, interesting, and exciting. Mind you but a warning that things will be quite graphic.

It caught me really by surprise and I love it. It sure has surpassed my expectations.

I love the fact that there are lots of revelations about Archie and Gretchen’s connection to each other. Susan never failed to irritate me, and amuse me at the same time. She’s come a long way though. Despite her stupidity at times, I know she’s got a lot of potential considering the fact that she really works hard, creative, ambitious, and that she’s beautiful in her own way but of course, she’s out of Gretchen Lowell’s league.

I thought Henry and Susan had good chemistry because of the way they get on each other’s nerves. It’s just that there are a lot of couples who ended up together started their interaction just like them. I just hope it wouldn’t be a typical story where authors write up these two different characters, like Archie and Susan, to meet and start working together and then ends up together like Bones, and Castle. I love watching those shows but I’m hoping for something different. Of course it’s too much to ask, right?

And I just finished reading the third installment called, Evil at Heart. The third novel is about the comeback of Gretchen Lowell or rise of the new serial killer that is somehow related to the beauty killer. It will take Archie and Susan Ward to uncover the truth behind the murders appearing in the beauty killer crime scenes. We also get to see how Gretchen entered Archie's life and what he's going to do about it.

It involves a side of Gretchen that will make Archie either angry or glad.

The third installment had lesser appearances of Gretchen Lowell, but the good thing is we got to see the different reactions of people in a lot of ways name it sick, healthy or a normal reaction. Chelsea will show us another creative way of torturing someone aside from pulling someone’s intestines out, and shattering a glass rod inside a shaft. I enjoyed the interesting facts and deep research Chelsea Cain put into this to be able to put a craft like this together. We get to see more of Archie and Susan together working out clues together.

There's only one actress that I'd say will fit the role perfectly for me. Gretchen Lowell is beautiful, intellectual, irresistible to men, manipulative, self-assuring, competent, confident, and evil. I wanted Alison Larter as Gretchen Lowell. All the time I've been reading the novels, she's the only one I've been imagining from the start.

From my academic and psychiatric point of view, after reading the book, I imagined Gretchen Lowell to look superior, intimidating, bold, stunning, vile, cunning, deceptive, smart, evil, attractive, irresistible, beautiful in a grown up way without effort, milky white porcelain skin, fit, and sweet looking at the same time.

After the book described her, my mind had already fabricated an actress that would play her. I imagined Ali Larter as Gretchen Lowell because Ali had something to give the character justice it deserves. Ali Larter is just the most beautiful and most stunning blonde I’ve ever seen. I watch a lot of TV. I’ve seen a lot of actresses and from all of them.

Ali is my only bet to play Gretchen Lowell. I don’t think and believe that other actresses are capable of playing the character the way they’re supposed to. If the role is given to another actress maybe I won’t appreciate it the way they want me too. Heartsick, Sweetheart and Evil at Heart are focused on Detective Archie Sheridan, and Susan Ward but we all know that the majority of the audience are more focused on Gretchen Lowell. So they should really get an actress who’s going to deserve the character. I have nothing against other actresses but I don’t think that Gretchen Lowell is a deficient character that should be played by a deficient actress. If they don’t like my choice, the least that they could do is get someone who will really deserve it.

I guess that’s what happens when books are turned into movies, the people who are responsible for casting always gets the wrong actors. Why? Because their point of view is totally different from yours, because their standards, their criteria for judging is not like yours. If it doesn’t work out, the movie will just crush and burn. The novels are awesome so the movie should do great too. I will be expecting a lot if this comes to cinema.

Where The Dream Takes You

2010-09-08T04:52:00.000-07:00

Settle for the best or anything mediocre?
Settle for what I deserve or just what I've got?
Do I have the right or not?

Those are the questions in my mind for a long time. Last year I read an article from Yahoo about President Obama's tough love for the Black People last year. I think it was somewhere in June. President Obama said "We need a new mindset, a new set of attitudes – because one of the most durable and destructive legacies of discrimination is the way that we have internalized a sense of limitation, how so many in our community have come to expect so little of ourselves". He also said, "Youngsters should dream of being "scientists and engineers, doctors and teachers" rather than the next LeBron James and Lil Wayne. I want them aspiring to be a Supreme Court justice. I want them aspiring to be president of the United States." I could say his mother taught him well.

What do we do if we can't afford the dream? Should we stop thinking of the dream and just settle for what's there in front of us? I am eternally grateful for all the blessings I have but what if this is not enough for me to fulfil my mission or my purpose to God? Should I just forget my purpose? What should I do if my way to fully self-actualized myself to be able to perform to the best of my potential is not available for me to take?

I believe that in order to get something really important to us, we should work harder, and that sacrificing is inevitable.

If we are to give up our dreams then the cup of life is going to be continuously half-empty. We can’t have everything, and we don't need a perfect life but if we go where our dreams will take us, the place where our heart longs to be, we will find all we need, we are going to find someone who shares the dream with us, and when that day comes we are going to be finally happy for the rest of our lives. It won't be always rainbows and butterflies but everything is going to be fine because we are in a place where we are meant to be. Lots of you who are reading this won't agree with me and say this is impossible but nothing is impossible with God. Nothing is impossible with a person who believes that he can achieve his dreams and who is hard working.

So here are the answers to my questions. No, we shouldn't stop dreaming just because we can't afford it. You have to realize that this is not just a luxury we can just ignore if we don't have it in our life. It's our dream. It is what we have been waiting to happen all this time. I believe that our dream is our soul's essence. It's the journey God had given us to take. It's the road people usually ignore to travel because they decided to give it up or take it for granted. Sometimes it will hurt a lot because we need to leave the people we love so much because it is the road we should travel alone to stand the test of time, and to challenge the truth in front of us.

If we don't immense ourselves to the world that is not our own then we will never find what we're supposed to find, know what we're supposed to know, and do what we're supposed to do. If you don't believe me, believe in God and don't underestimate His power but let me remind you that God made us from His image and His likeness. God is in all of us and He gave us the limited power to manipulate the things around us to give people a better quality of life. Like I said I have a mission and that is the mission I accepted to do. We are not here to please ourselves or anybody else. We are here to please and serve God and honour our parents. Pleasing and serving God means caring and helping the people. God gave us our own journey to take to get what we deserve, learn what we're supposed to know, live the life we choose to live and those blessings will enable us to fully self-actualized ourselves to be able to serve God to the best of our potential.

Life is unfair. Life is hard. And that's how is supposed to be so people in the world will work harder to make it better. God rewards and blessed His people by basing it on their faith and determination to go on despite the sacrifices of being hurt, ridiculed, underestimated, ignored, neglected, misunderstood, leaving the ones we loved to stand up on our own and pursue the journey God has given us, and patience from all what we will be going through to be able to reach Nirvana, unending happiness and contentment.

I'm not saying we should belittle the blessings we have in front of us. We should be really grateful and thank God sincerely and profusely. I am just encouraging that we should not give up our dreams just because we can't afford them. If we are born poor and we died poor, it just means we didn't do our best to at least succeed. I am not rich I am just the same with the other people who are born whose dreams are so high that I can't afford it but I want to do my best in pursuing it and in acquiring it. Maybe some dreams are not meant for us but I do know that being poor is no one's destiny or fate at all. We are all here meant to live and struggle and accept life for what it is without giving up. It's not realistic. It's not practical and I'll never be practical because I believe that being practical is settling for something convenient. I am not practical because I want to pull up a fight against every obstacles and hindrances I going to meet along the way. I'll have to die of old age or being sick rather than being shaken by others. We can't have everything but we could at least try to have we deserve in life and not just settle for something convenient.

All I could say is I wish I have the bravery and courage for facing the unknown in making my dreams come true and in getting to do the things that makes me happy instead of the mediocrity where I'll silently suffer doing the things I don't want and live my life lonely, always empty, and unfulfilled.

What I wrote is inspired by a lot of things especially the song Where the dreams take you by Mya.

What is Proper Parenting?

2010-09-08T02:24:00.000-07:00

What is Proper Parenting? When it comes to answering that question, I know that we all have different opinions. So I decided to name each of the focus of Parenting and how to achieve it.

-Trust: In developing trust, it will result to infant-parent interaction. To develop trust is to have a consistent caregiver, the mother and father. The child should be familiar with the people taking care of him. To develop trust is to not manipulate the baby. An example is if the baby needs to drink medicine, never mix the medicine in his formula. When the infant knows that he could trust the parent, it means that he could count on his father and mother to change his diapers when it's wet, to feed him when his hungry, to carry and comfort him when he's sad, to keep him safe in times of danger, and to give him unconditional love. They should be able to provide consistently in whatever the infant needs. Infants live in pleasure principle.

-Physiologic Needs: When the parents accomplished trust between them and the child, it is also their responsibility to give him what he needs such as food, clothes, shelter, water, etc. Like I said before infants live in pleasure principle, it is important for the parents to provide what they need physiologically.

-Safety and Security: To be able to do this, you need to show the child a loving and accepting family. When they have questions, you should answer them in a way they understand. For them to be secure, you need to be able to explain to them if they did something wrong and discipline them in a way they won't be threatened or traumatized. You have to explain why you are punishing them for what they've done. There are cultures that allows spanking and raising your voice but there are a lot instances like that have resulted to traumas. There is no valid reason for hitting someone. When a child grows up being hit, he will do the same to his children until it escalates into something worst.

The feeling of safety and security should come from the mother and father and not from a teddy bear or a blanket. When children feel insecure, they tend to regress by doing things they've outgrown such as sucking their thumb, crying in a fetal position, hugging a bear or a fluffy pillow that could serve as a person. It actually depends on the comfort zone of the child. It's a case to case basis. That is why you have to know your child well.

-Love and Belongingness: Is attaining a position or a status in a group. It is attaining a role in a person's life.

According to Erik Erikson, at the age of 18 months to 3 years old, the toddler will learn to express himself by saying "No" all the time. It is their way of showing others that they are capable of doing something. It is their way of developing independence but I'm not saying that you should let them be when they want to. This is a good start for them to learn to taking care of themselves in little ways. Give them little freedom to explore their environment to develop their mind but make sure that their surroundings don't have sockets or anything that could hurt them. Always be on the watch. There is a reason why at this age, they are very handful. At this age you need to show love and support when it comes to they want and need. At this age, the way to give them independence is to give them 2 choices that is alright with you as a parent.

According to Lawrence Kohlberg, at the age of 2 to 3 years old, the child "does right" to avoid punishment. Parents should always make the child understand why he is punished.

According to Jean Piaget, at the age of 2 to 7 years old, children becomes egocentric. Parents will need to teach them to share. At the age 7 to 11 years old, they begin to differentiate and developed an ability to relate external events without being egocentric. And at the age of 11 and up, they begin to think in abstract.

At the age of 15 and up, the need to be independent from their parents is strong. In the history, there is a religion where people train their children to be fully responsible at the age of 15 to be ready to be married at 18 and to be able to take care of their children. In other countries, children at the age of 15, try to emancipate from their parents. I'm not sure but I heard that in London, children with ages ranging from 18 and up, attends a seminar or course that will help them establish some independence on there own and prepare for adult life. It's been a long time since I heard of that so I'm not sure about the specifics. The point why I'm saying this is because at this age, children will either start to rebel if they have strict and authoritative parents or adjust to adult life if their parents taught them well and gave them the freedom to spread their wings.

-Self-Esteem: Is to feel good about yourself. Is to feel happy from the way that you are and to feel that you are a worthwhile person. To achieve this is to be accepted the way you are and to be trusted that you are capable of doing the right thing for your life and the others.

-Self-Actualization: In order to be self-actualized, the person has a need to develop himself to the best of his own potential. The need for self-actualization usually happens after graduating from college at the age of 18 and up. It usually depends on the thinking of the young adult. It is important for the parent to give them freedom to pursue that path they want to take and not pressure them to bend their will for their parents. They usually grow up resenting their parents when they are being force to do something they don't want. There is a saying from a famous Anthropologist that in order for you to know yourself, you need to immerse yourself in a world that is not your own.

Storm Ondoy causes State of Calamity in the Philippines

2009-09-26T20:05:00.000-07:00

This is the first time our country was penetrated by a storm, Ondoy, who flooded lots of places and had killed people just yesterday. Our location is declared the state of calamity including the other 25 places all over the Philippines.

It wasn't flooding in our house but the lower villages suffered. Rich and poor people are stranded on their roof top and haven't slept and ate since the storm started.

My cousin just got home now because the flood surrounding their school had reach neck line level. The students stayed in the school and they have no food either. My other cousin still had manage to go home. The water is just above the knee level. Thank God she didn't trip and drown like the others.

I can't relax right now knowing a lot of the people are suffering. There were calls of help by text in such radio stations and live shows. 13 Meralco stations are wrecked that had caused a black out yesterday the whole day.

I am in pain knowing I can't do anything for them but this. So please help if anyone can and I really appreciate if any of you can spread the word.

In Cainta, the flood is in neck line level and they rescue people from the roof top with the use of just rubber boats and they used a rope tied from the land and from the houses that are flooded. The rubber boats can just consume 4 people.

From other places, some people are wash away and the one who saw it can't even do anything because of how helpless the situation is.

According to the news, the storm had killed 40 people but how about the bodies that we're not found yet underwater considering the whole country's roads and streets turned into lakes.

These are the situation below. My words are not enough to express what our country is experiencing at the moment.

Eastwood

Metro Manila

Makati

Pasong Tamo, Makati

Other part of Makati

A lot of people are in need of help. If you wish to donate, here’s a list of several means to do so (Please do share this information):

TXTPower.org
will forward donations to Red Cross
Paypal
Smart Money – 5577-5144-1866-7103
G-Cash – 0917-9751092

Red Cross
1. CASH or CHECK
Please send cash or check donations to the PNRC National Headquarters in Manila. Checks should be made payable to The Philippine National Red Cross. We can also arrange for donation pick-up.

2. BANK DEPOSIT
Account Name: The Phil. Nat’l. Red Cross

METROBANK
Port Area Branch
Peso Acct.: 151-3-041-63122-8
Dollar Acct.: 151-2-151-00218-2
Type of Acct. : SAVINGS
Swift Code: MBTC PH MM

BANK OF THE PHIL. ISLANDS
Port Area Branch
Peso Acct.: 4991-0010-99
Type of Account: CURRENT

BANK OF THE PHIL. ISLANDS
UN Branch
Dollar Acct.: 8114-0030-94
Type of Account: SAVINGS
Swift Code: BOPI PH MM

For your donations to be properly acknowledged, please fax the bank transaction slip at nos. +63.2.527.0575 or +63.2.404.0979 with your name, address and contact number.

Credit Card

Please fax the following info to +632.404.09.79 and +632.527.0575:

Name of card member, billing address, contact nos. (phone & mobile), credit card no., expiration date, CCV2/ CVC2 (last three digits at the back of the credit card), billing address, amount to be donated.

For online donations you may also visit our website at www.redcross.org.ph .

Donations in kind to the Red Cross:

LOCAL
Please send in-kind local donations to The Philippine National Red Cross – National Headquarters in Manila. We could also arrange for donation pick-up.

INTERNATIONAL

1. Send a letter of intent to donate to the PNRC
2. A letter of acceptance from PNRC shall be sent back to the donor
3. Immediately after shipping the goods, please send the (a) original Deed of Donation, (b) copy of packing list and (c) original Airway Bill for air shipments or Bill of Lading for sea shipments to The Philippine National Red Cross–National Headquarters c/o Secretary General Corazon Alma de Leon, Bonifacio Drive, Port Area, Manila 2803, Philippines.

The PNRC does not accept rotten, damaged, expired or decayed goods. Though we appreciate your generosity, the PNRC also discourages donations of old clothes as we have more than enough to go around.

Relief Goods can be sent to Caritas Manila Office at Jesus St., Pandaca Manila near Nagtahan Bridge (tel.no. 5639298/5639308). Relief goods can also be brought Radio Veritas at Veritas Tower West Ave. Corner EDSA (tel no. 9257931-40).

Aquino volunteers: contact Jiggy Cruz who is organizing relief goods collection and distribution. Or call Ms. Clare Amador at mobile no 9285205508 or Jana Vicente at 9285205499 for more details regarding Noy/Mar relief efforts.

Roxas volunteers: donations for flood relief can be brought to Balay, Expo Centro, Edsa cor. Gen, MacArthur, Araneta Center, Cubao.

Relief Operations Drop-Off Center has been set-up at La Salle Greenhills. Beginning 9am, Sunday, September 27. Those nearby may bring their donations to Gate 2.

Ateneo de Manila now accepting donations for victims. Donations may be dropped at MVP Lobby.

Victory Fort is opening its doors to those affected by the typhoon. Call 813-FORT

Charo Limaco has posted a list of specific items needed and where to donate them:

Water, blankets, shoes, and clothes etc.. are being accepted at the Hillsborough Village chapel for families whose houses were washed out in the nearby sitios.
–
Donations of any kind for Payatas communities affected by Ondoy accepted at ARANAZ stores in Rockwell & Greenbelt.
–
TeamManila stores in Trinoma, Mall of Asia, Jupiter Bel-Air and Rockwell shall be accepting relief goods (Canned Goods, Ready-to-drink Milk, Bottled Water and Clothes) for distribution by Veritas to displaced countrymen due to Typhoon Ondoy.
–
Caritas Manila Office and Radio Veritas (see above) appealing for the following goods: Canned food, rice, used clothes especially for children, milk
–
From Kuya Ed Ramirez: SLBTFN is accepting donations already. Please drop it off sa Ateneo Cervini Dorm. Then we will work with groups around the area to assess w/c evacuation center needs help immediately. SLBTFN is Simbahang Lingkod ng Bayan Task Force Noah, a disaster response arm.

If you know someone who is in dire need of help/ rescue, here are numbers for rescue and evacuation:

Red Cross: 143, 527-0000. Centers for relief: Red Cross chapters in Rizal, QC, Valenzuela, Bulacan. Phil. Nat’l. Red Cross Rizal Chapter operations center hotline: 635-0922, 634-7824. Send full address of stranded friends/family to Sen. Dick Gordon 09178997898/0938444BOYS

National Disaster Coordinating Council (NDCC) Emergency Numbers: 912-5668, 911-1406, 912-2665, 911-5061. Help hotlines: 734-2118, 734-2120.

Metro Manila Development Authority (MMDA): 136

Philippine Coast Guard: 527-6136

Bureau of Fire Protection Region III (Central Luzon) Hotline: (045) 9634376

San Juan City Hall Command Post: 468-1697

MERALCO hotlines: 0917-5592824, 0920-9292824

Contact NCRPO 838-3203, 838-3354 for rubber boat requests. You can also text 0917-422-6800 or 0927-675-1981 for rescue dump trucks. Appeal for those able, to lend 4×4 trucks for rescue: Pls. send truck to Greenhills Shoppng Center Unimart Grocery to await deployment, tel. 09209072902.

505 Rescue needs life-vests & rubber boats for their rescue operations. Please bring to Villamor Air Base.

Office of Sen Villar to rescue stranded people: 0917-4226800, 0917-2414864, 0927-6751981

Please go to GMA Facebook page & post addresses of people in need of immediate help.

For all Ateneo de Manila students who are stranded/ those who need help (as well as those who know of other students who need help), please TEXT your/their name/s, location and contact number to 0908-8877166. The MVP Building (HQ)is open to all those who have difficulty going home tonight.

(From Current)

The Importance of Good Parenting

2009-07-25T21:57:00.000-07:00

I am so hesitant of going to school last June 27, 2009 because I am so tired but I did anyway. I didn't know we have a seminar. It is called Highlighting the Advancing Age with Tenderness by Dr. Letty Kuan.

She didn't use any power point, she just spoke to us about why people act the way they do especially the old people. All of this would not apply to one person but a couple of them could be in one person.

I believe them because the things below have explained lots of my attitudes to my parents and to my friends. I also begun to understand others too. Why do they act the way they do. I hope that this would help the others as an enlightenment.

Others will be offended, others will deny this, and others will accept this but if you don't believe this then don't, because I never wrote this to convince. I am sharing this for others to understand.

She cited a lot of things based from Bio-behavioral studies and researches for 50 years.

> If the mother pursues the father, the first child if it's a girl is going to be born and more likely develop a masculine physique; it it's boy it's going to be born and more likely develop a soft side but not necessarily gay.
It's not genetic, it is the emotional imprint on the child from the mother's desire to pursue the father in the past.

> If the first trimester of the pregnancy is smooth, the child will become more likely to have or develop a rational, sensible, reserved, strong, organized and smooth personality.

> In the second trimester, if the husband gives presents to the wife. The happiness is for the child. The child as they grow up won't be demanding to gain to compensate from the parents shortcomings.

>The more the parents spends time and caresses their child, the child will have a good emotional quotient and he will be fast and good in decision making.

> Teenagers who lacks love and comfort from their parents and ends up finding it with their boyfriend and worst is they become pregnant. They lack morality because the satiation of caresses and embraces are not enough.

> If a person loves to lay on a person's chest, it's because the person is yearning for what should have been there for them. They're mothers hold or embrace.

> People having a hard time sleeping or is experiencing some insomnia, it's because they are thinking and remembering looking for socialization.

> Children who are not breastfeed are cranky, and have an expensive smiles.

> Pre-marital acts results from lacks of infancy caresses.

> People who had their genital organs touched unintentionally or/are sexually abused, can't control the tidal waves of emotion and end up as pedophiles when they grow up.

> When a person who have receive sad unpleasant emotions, you tend to grow up being forceful and is most likely to develop Alzheimer and the dementia.

> People who have expensive smiles, have so many emotions and traumas as a child.

> If a child had a missed changed of diaper, missed drinking a bath of milk from infancy, they end up becoming a kleptomaniac, liar or makes up a lot of things.

> More skin to skin interaction particularly the frontal part, forehead, with the baby is necessary. It enhances good emotional quotient, deep, and strong emotional bonding with the mother or father, good decision making and makes them stable and firm instead of committing lots of mistakes in life.

> When a person desires for something unrealistic, they are not accepting themselves, and their reality. They are living a fantasy.

Something very Unexpected

2009-06-27T18:49:00.000-07:00

I am going to have a Clinical Graduation next month that I was busy during the last two weeks finishing my assignments, preparing my documents to fix my name, and preparing the papers I need to pass to be qualified as a candidate to graduate. I don't watch TV enough and I don't even watch the news. I haven't answered my mails for 2 weeks.

Yesterday I made a little research and notice one of the articles from Yahoo that says, "What will happen to Micheal Jackson's kids?" I was so busy that I ignored it and didn't feel any slight of wonder and doubt what it is about.

I got home and this time I don't have anything to do so I can relax. Late at night there was a show of my Aunts were watching from their respective houses. It seems that it is a documentary of Micheal Jackson's life. Then I ask myself, What happen to him? So I went to my Grandfather's house and opened the television and switch it to the channel they are watching. Then the bomb was drop in front of me. That's how I found out that Micheal Jackson died. I am sort of a fan but not a big fan. I actually have a good day yesterday then after I found out, I feel really sad. I started to ask myself a lot of questions. What happen to him? When did he died?

I didn't really know what happen in the past with the issues and controversies that he was involved but I do know that people started to see him differently. He was a bad person to a lot of people and a lot of them are angry at him, some stop buying his works, and most of the people had judged him. In a way, it seems like he stopped being the top performer all over. Now he is dead and gone. People started to appreciate him again and acknowledge him, all his work and his title. Here we all have his albums because my mother's brother brought it years ago and sent it to us. Even my Aunt wants to have a song of him but she's really sad about what happen. She just told me to find her some of Micheal Jackson's songs. In the few years back he stopped being number 1 now he is dead, people call him the King of Pop and a lot people are buying his albums. This is so sad. Is this the only way for people to appreciate someone's talent? When they are dead because when they are alive, they have committed or might have committed some mistakes in their life?

Like I said before I wonder what really happen. They said it's a massive heart attack and others said they were prescription drugs. And the autopsy results just left his family many unanswered questions. He wasn't feeling well for a while. That's one of the clues. Whenever someone dies, the one who always gets blamed are the doctors because of their prescriptions. That's alright I understand. Some complicated and very sad situations are easy to handle when you have someone to blame. I really hope they get to the bottom of this. It will really help his family and it will also give them closure. I can't say I know how they feel but when my Grandfather died, I did the same thing. I blamed his doctor for the prescription and made a small investigation myself on what really happened to him. In the end I found the answers. They were not good answers but it did help me to cope. It wasn't the doctor's fault at all. Unfortunately it's just really his time. This is a long shot but I don't believe that it is Micheal Jackson's time to go. It's hard for me to say that especially when he's also born the same year with my Mother. I know that the circumstances are different but still. I guess I'm just experiencing one of the stage in the stages of death, denial.

I really can't believe this. He is so excited to claim his title by performing on 50 London concerts and now this dead. The people finally gave him his title back and appreciate him again because he is gone. Gosh! My friends whose in London right now could have gone to watch his concert because no matter what happened in the past, I believe he is phenomenal. He is one of a kind indeed.

If there's going to be a second autopsy, I really wish that the results are much better right now. And my prayers goes to the family and his children. I wish everything things would be a bit easy on them considering the circumstances of what really happened to him.

For what it's worth I don't believe the accusations against him.

Downloads: Views: 253

Soulmates, do they exist?

2009-05-27T01:58:00.000-07:00

One X-Files fan who is a friend of mine, sent me a message in my tube informing me of her Mulder Scully fan video. So I decided to watch it and it's nice and such a good job. Then after watching it I notice something else on her playlist. I saw another work of hers and this time the title of the song is Soulmate. I immediately click it to watch.

Oh my God! I thought it's going to be great happy song about Soulmates but it turned out to be great sad song questioning if soulmates even exist?

I love the concept of soulmates. I've read a lot of books based on true story and real life experiences talking about meeting their soulmates and being one with them. Soulmates helps each other to grow up psychologically, emotionally and spiritually mature. They have the same wavelengths, they are always on the same page, they accept each other for who they are, they know each other inside and out, they are each other's better half, they are each other's perfect opposites, constant, they make each other whole, and they are everything to each other; soulmate, bestfriend, better half, siblings, mother, father, brother and sister.

I used to believe that soulmates really do exist. I love the idea of a person's soul who always recycles and always ends up with the same soul in different lifetimes. They are bound to be together forever. Right now? I am so skeptical about it.

I am skeptical because what if you are bound to someone else out of circumstances and decisions. I guess I'm missing out things. Soulmates don't always end up together. They can be with someone else. I know it's right but somehow I find it hard to accept. I think it would really hurt a lot if that's the case because I want to end up with my soulmate especially if I did my best and risk everything I have to be with him. Only to find out that we are soulmates but we can never be together.

I know that we all have different religions and believing in Soulmates is not being a good catholic but it doesn't mean I can't believe in the values they represent. Right now I don't know if I still believe in it. I guess in some ways I still do because I don't want to get it to me that much and I'm still hopeful that soulmates still exist.

So here is the song. I think you might enjoy it.

Lyrics | Natasha Bedingfield lyrics - Soulmate lyrics

Evermore by Alyson Noel

2009-05-25T22:13:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if this post should be in this blog or on my other two but it belongs here somehow.

My cousin kept saying that it's not that good. I don't remember what book is she saying but after reading Vampire Kisses, I just went to their house and pick up one of her novels I got interested. I thought it wasn't vampire story but she said it is. I don't think she finished reading it because I did. She was wrong, it's not a vampire story. Instead it's about immortals. She said the book is not that good but I still decided to finish it because I started reading it. If I started reading something, I'll finish it. Well except from one novel which is Heartsick, the one my Aunt almost destroyed. If you read all my blogs then you'll know what it means to me. If you don't it's okay because this post is not about it.

Anyway, Evermore by Alyson Noel is the one I finished reading last night. I'm so glad I didn't stop reading it. The novel is okay. I'm not going to insult it because others might love it and besides there is a part that made me kept reading it. It's Ever's gift. I've always wanted to have that gift. I'm very interested of it. I actually believe that to some people it's possible because I've read a lot of things about it. Her gift fascinates me a lot. Ever since I was a child. So her gift is my favorite thing. The part I love the most is Damen. He makes everything alright with Ever's life. He's like Alexander to Raven from Vampire Kisses. I love the Red Tulips he gives Ever. Now I have a new favorite flower. Roses are special but Red Tulips means a lot more and something much great. That is why I am so glad I didn't stop reading it because I wanted to have that Undying Love myself. I think it's a perfect story about love that never dies and also about soulmates.

If you want to find out, read it. You guys know how I am a die hard romantic. I believe in Undying love, romantic stuffs, and soulmates. So the novel is just my thing. It's great. The novel is okay. Maybe I'll buy the second book because of the soulmate concept or the Undying Love. I'm still not sure.

Something to Read and Share

2009-05-24T02:48:00.000-07:00

Ever since the twilight saga of Stephanie Meyers, my cousin's classmate had outwitted her by giving her a Christmas present last year which is fourth sequel of twilight, eclipse. (Correct me if I'm wrong, alright?)

Although I already know about the book from my classmates, I was never drawn to read it despite my love of reading books. Last year I just decided to read it because I realized that my addiction with X-Files is getting out of handed. So I need to do something to divert my attention, and get some perspectives.

I have to admit that I had finished reading the three books for three days and the stories are all fine. I won't say it's my favorite type of book like Nicholas Sparks work, Sidney Sheldon, J.K Rowling and Mary Higgins Clark. I still haven't read the 4th book because I got really bored and kept thinking of X-Files. No offense to Edward and Bella's fans. It's a good book but I'm more interested in stimulating books. Well X-Files do have novels but I've never read any of them so I am actually preferring to fanfictions. When I said stimulating ones, I want to read something that can give me useful information and has a lot of sense aside from a love story. So X-Files pleases me in every way, somehow it's a love story, I enjoy the debate or smart conversation of medical doctor or a forensic pathologist and a criminal psychologist. So that's purely my thing. Twilight is hot but if I want something hot, there are fanfictions I can turn to. If I want adventure, there are the paranormal cases to entertain and intrigue me. Anyway in case your worried and curious, I want to tell you that my addiction is well taken cared of. Besides I don't want to be reduce to a person who is obssess with X-Files. I want to do a lot of things for everyone and obsessing is not going to help me.

So after my cousins had finished reading all the books she hated it because of Bella. Well I won't spoil it to you. I don't hate Bella but I hate her situation that's all. If I am going to choose, I'll choose Edward myself. Now there's a clue. Sorry, I can't help it. So back to my cousin, she started to crave Vampire stories and started to buy lots of novels and she even wants to watch True Blood which I honestly don't recommend for her to watch because she's very conservative and wholesome. I've seen True Blood about three times I think and even the opening to me it's kind of hot, wild, exciting, thrilling but it's so bad. I think it's to mature for my cousin. Maybe I'm just being overprotective besides I believe she'll be 18 this year I guess she handle it and she's smart so sure knows what's good for her.

Again she bought a book yesterday and excitedly wave it to my face that I should read it. I believe it's her 5th or 6th novel of a vampire that she bought. She's been encouraging me and endorsing her novels to me for a long time, this time I got the book from her and started reading it last night. Now I am about to finish it. It's Vampire Kisses The Beginning by Ellen Schreiber. I love the story better than Twilight but of course I still love X-Files more. It's definitely a page turner. The book is not complicated and it's definitely for teenagers. I'm enjoying it and because I love it, my cousin said that it's my turn to buy the next book.

Love Yourself First

2009-04-27T03:46:00.000-07:00

LOVE yourself first!

A lot of people love others more because they tend to give everything they have to the people around them and what they didn't know is anyone can't be giving and loving without them doing it to theirself first. Don't they know that "Self-Love is the key to lovingness"? You cannot love others without loving yourself first. The greatest love of all is to love yourself. Jesus Christ taught us that we must love others as we love ourselves, this implies oneself must come first.

Truly loving one's self considers the good of all concerned, which means to:

1) Stop criticizing yourself.

2) Stop blaming yourself.

3) Forgive yourself for whatever so-called "mistakes" you have made because there are really no mistakes in the Universe.

4) Pay yourself compliments when others do not.

5) Appreciate your uniqueness and use your talents because you definitely have them.

6) Know that you are made in the image and likeness of God and that the Kingdom of Heaven is within you.

7) Treat yourself gently, patiently, and kindly. (The way you wish people in your life would treat you.)

8) Surround yourself with beauty in any way, shape or form.

9) Fill your life with fun and laughter and be with people who can make you laugh.

10) Feed your body intelligently with healthy substances.

11) Exercise regularly and enjoy it.

"Then you can love your neighbor as you love yourself."

Secret...

2009-04-12T08:45:00.000-07:00

I wake up this morning with my Aunt fidgeting on the computer my cousin's father gave me. It has a password on it and the files are protected so the guest would not have any access to it. Although the files should not be really protected. I just don't want anyone to have access in it just like that. It's a secret. To others it would not make sense and will never matter to them at all but to me it is my lifeline.

I believe that it is healthy to have someone to talk and share your secrets with but you can't possibly tell them everything no matter how small.

My Aunt said, "If you would not give me access to your computer, I'll re-format this." I am so mad at what she said. So what I did is I deleted everything and remove the password instead. If I am going to share all my secrets in the world, I will only share it to my husband in the future. Alright not necessarily my husband but the person I am comfortable telling it with.

I get her, she wants to be a part of my life so badly. She doesn't want me shutting her off but whether I like it or not, what she did last February 1, 2009 really made me close in on her. In my other blog, she said she'll help me finish medicine. Thank you very much I appreciate it a lot but this time I'll take responsibility for that.

I know I am not being fair. I know her password on friendster and on her email and she didn't know mine. I don't share everything because she's not the one I'm supposed to share it with. Whether she likes it or not, she can't have access to everything just because she wants to.

My bestfriends in college understand that and even my closest friends. I am very secretive and introverted because they are not the ones I should share my secret with, another thing is every time I share a secret about or whenever I am talking to someone that matters to me. It feels like I am losing myself. In here I don't feel like losing myself. I am just imparting a part of me to all those readings. And last but not the least I fear of being rejected of what I am going to say and being judged.

Somehow I think, she wants to monitor me. Fearing I'll do something irrational like killing myself. I get that but if I am going to kill myself, I'm not going to tell anyone and I am not going to write it on the computer.

I want my own laptop because I just want privacy. They can't give me the privacy I want in this house. They can't give me the freedom I want to be the person that I can be and be the best that I can be but they don't like the person that I've become and they seemed determine to change me.

Sorry that I'll only become the person I want to be but
not others want to see. Sorry that I'm not living up to
anyone's picture of what an ideal person that I should
be but that's life. That's the nature of the beast;
and I'm not about to change who I am to meet anyone's
expectations. And I've never asked anyone to change
for me. You can hit me, hurt me, and break me but
I'm never giving in to anyone's picture of who they think
I should be. I'm just s0 sorry.

Significant About Infants

2009-04-08T02:36:00.000-07:00

(A/N: I've always wanted to post this when I just created this blog but I'm too lazy to go over the topic although it's one of my favorites. I decided to write this now because this is my way of coping about what happen to my dog. I actually plan to post next time toddler, preschooler, school-age child, and adolescent. I hope no one takes offense with this post. It's just seems to me that a lot of mothers are not aware of these things which they should be. ) This are not rules but guidelines to help a mother raise a child. Just do what best works for you and for your child. Please take no offense on this. I posted this because lots of children grows up with a problem when parents don't have any idea how to raise a child. Having children should not be taken lightly. It's a big responsibility.

DEVELOPMENTAL TASK: TRUST Versus MISTRUST
Develop Trust and Love with Infants

- Infants learn to trust when they have a need or are in distress, a person will come and meet that need.

- A synonym for trust in this connotation is love. By the way infants are handled, fed, talked to, and held, they learn to love and recognize they are loved.

- It is important that an infant has one consistent caregiver because if he keeps changing, he will have a hard time trusting the new caregiver. Children thrive on routine.

- If infants cannot trust, they cannot enjoy deeply satisfying interactions with others and can have difficulty trusting themselves or experiencing high self-esteem. They may have difficulty establishing close relationships as adults.

- It is important for infants to establish the ability to love, or trust, early in life because it is sequential. If a first development step is inadequate, this inadequacy can pervade all future steps. In reference to trust the end result could be an adult unable to instill a sense of trust in his or her own child, perpetuating the inadequacy from generation to generation.

- Trust arises primarily from a sense of confidence one can predict what is coming next. Example is establishing some schedule; breakfast, bath, playtime, nap, lunch, walk outside, quiet playtime, dinner, story, and bedtime. This gentle rhythm of care gives infants a sense of being able to predict what is going to happen and gives life some consistency. All little children thrive on routine.

- Infancy is not too early for children to learn family traditions such as decorating for a holiday that will help feel secure in the world as they grow.

- As important to an infant as the rhythm of care is that the care be given largely by one person.

- Women who work outside their home during the first year of a baby's life should try to arrange for one person to care for their child while they are away from home or choose a day care center that will provide a consistent caregiver.

- Parents should makes sure the caretaker they choose will actively interact with their child to provide a sense of trust. Passively caring for infants-not talking to them or touching or stroking them while feeding or changing them-amounts to not being with them.

EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT

Socialization, or learning how to interact with others, is an extensive phenomenon.
- One-month old infants show they can differentiate between faces and other objects by studying a face or the picture of a face longer than other objects. They quiet best and eat best for the person who has been their primary caregiver.

- By 3 months, infants demonstrate increased social awareness by readily smiling at the sight of a parent's face. Three-month-old infants laugh out loud at the sight of a funny face.

- By 4 months, when a person who has been playing with and entertaining an infant leaves, an infant is likely to cry to show he or she enjoyed the interaction. Infants at this age recognize their primary caregiver and prefer that person's presence to others.

- By 5 months, infants may show displeasure when an object is taken away from them. This is a step beyond showing displeasure when a person leaves.

- By 6 months, infants are increasingly aware of the difference between people who regularly care for them and strangers. They may begin to draw back from unfamiliar people.

- Seven-month-old infants begin to show obvious fear of strangers. They may cry when taken from their parent, attempt to cling to him or her, and reach out to be taken back. That is the infant's big step forward, because it shows the infant can differentiate between persons and knows the difference between persons to trust and others.

- Fear of strangers reaches its height during the eight month, so much so this phenomenon is often termed eighth-month anxiety, or stranger anxiety. An infant at the height of this phase will not go willingly from a parent's arms to nurse's.

- Nine-month old infants are very aware of changes in tone of voice. They will cry when scolded, not because they understand what is being said but because they sense their parent's displeasure.

- By 12 months, most children have overcome their fear of strangers and are alert and responsive again when approached. They like to play interactive nursery rhymes and rhythm games

INFANT'S PLAY
- Musical mobiles provide extra stimulation. One-month-old children spend a great deal of time watching their parents face, appearing to enjoy this activity so much a face may become their favorite "toy". You are not spoiling the infants by sitting and holding them for long periods of time during their early months.

- Two-month-old infants will hold light, small rattles for a short period of time but then drop them. They are very attuned to mobiles or cradle gyms strung across their crib. They continue to spend a great deal of time just watching the people around them.

- Three-month-old children can handle small blocks or small rattles.

- Four-month old children need a playpen or a sheet spread on the floor so they have an opportunity to exercise their new skill of rolling over. Rolling over is so intriguing it may serve as a "toy" for the entire month.

- Five-month-old infants are ready for a variety of objects to handle, such as plastic rings, blocks, squeeze toys, clothespin, rattles, and plastic keys. All these should be small enough an infant can lift then with one hand, yet big enough the baby cannot possibly swallow between them.

- A 6-month-old child can sit steadily enough to be ready for bathtub toys such as rubber ducks or plastic boats. Because they are starting to teethe, infants enjoy teething ring to chew on at this time.

- Seven-month-old children can transfer toys, they are interested in items such as blocks, rattles, or plastic keys that are small enough to be used for this. As their mobility increases, they begin to be more interested in brightly colored balls or toys that previously rolled out of reach.

- Eight-month-old children are sensitive to differences in texture. They enjoy having toys that have different feels to them, such as velvet, fur fuzzy, smooth, or rough items.

- The 9-month-old infant needs the experience of creeping. This means time out of a crib or playpen so there is room to manuever. Many 9-months-olds begin to enjoy toys that go inside one another, such as a nest of blocks or rings of assorted sizes that fit on a center post. Some are more interested in pots and pans that stack rather than toys.

- By 10 months, infants are ready for-peek-a-boo and will spend a long time playing the game with their hands or with a cloth over their head that they can reach and remove. They can clap and are also ready to play patty-cake. These games have a positive value, just as laughing out loud did for the 3-month-old child. They make a baby feel like an active part of the household. A family feeling begins to grow as the baby can participate in active games.

- At 11 months, children have learned to cruise or walk along low tables by holding on. They often find this so absorbing they spend little time doing anything else during the month.

- Twelve-month-old infants enjoy putting things in and taking things out of containers. They like boxes that fit inside one another or dropping objects such as blocks into a cardboard box. As soon as they can walk, they will be interested in pull toys. A lot of time may be spent listening to someone saying nursery rhymes or listening to music.

Making It Interesting

2009-04-05T02:26:00.000-07:00

Somehow I feel guilty for not blogging for a couple of days especially when you have followers. I'm not sure if I mentioned it before but the thing is our maid left us and now I do most of her work with my cousins. I know we can always hire a new one but money is to tight right now that we can't hire someone new and it's hard to trust someone new after all we've gone through with our maids in the past.

The maid who left us stayed with us for almost 3 years. The maids before her just stayed less than a year and some of them had even done something wrong to us we not decided not to hire anyone right now. After all we can all help each other with the chores.

I really wanted to write interesting stuff in here and share it with you because I am not like those other bloggers who has all the luck, charm, intelligence and pure talent to attract readers. The only way I think I can attract readers with what I write is make it interesting. I also love writing about topics because it makes me really happy and it's a kind of practice to me. Before I decided to really become a doctor someday, I first really wanted to become a writer. I really started with writing ever since.

The kind of writing I am doing is not that easy. I have to tell you that much of I write in here especially when it's about certain topics like Criminals, Psychiatry, Addiction, etc., it's not that easy. I actually made a lot of reading about those topics. When I am interested about a certain topic I do my best to read about it and then the writing impulse comes in. While I am reading, learning and understanding the topic, my mind will create words for me to write and when it's finish that's what I post in here. How do I write? I read and write, and brainstorm and write.

So to all who reads and comments with what I posts, it really means a lot to me. My heart swells a lot that somehow I get the feeling that you wish I write something more interesting, helpful, entertaining, and something that will not bore you.

I'm so very, truly sorry that I am not online reading the blogs I am following and commenting on them. I am just so busy at home and at school. I really need to stay focus here.

I've been meaning to write about Multiple Personality but what I know is just not enough for me to write something. I kept brainstorming for days now but my mind is kind of running empty. I believe I still need to do lots of reading and watching for observation purposes to write something interesting for all of you. So I really wish you bare with me somehow.

It Is A Must: Self-Awareness

2009-03-24T02:24:00.000-07:00

I ought to post this about 2 to 3 weeks ago but I just didn't have enough time to write.

We attended a seminar about self-awareness. At first I thought I wouldn't like the topic because the idea had develop in my mind that self-awareness is knowing yourself and accepting our mistakes or admit that we are wrong some times or most of the time.

Instead it dwelt on more positive things and principles or beliefs that I find acceptable or agreeable.

I am going to start with my notes.

(1) If you don't know who you are, that's dangerous.

It's dangerous because you don't know what you are capable of. You are not aware of what you can do, good or bad. So if you get into trouble, how are you going to defend yourself or justify yourself. Another thing is if you don't know yourself you don't know what you want, you don't know what your path is, and your life has no direction.

(2) You can only focus, be intentional because you are aware.

When you are aware, you are engaged; you become one body, one mind, and one soul. What you watch, what you listen to, is what you energized, you are aware. What you think, you feel. What you feel you do. What you do is where your mind, body, and soul is. That is you, you are aware. That is why it is important that a person comes after his passion.

(3) Papers does not make me.

Now this just focuses on the fact that when we finish something we get a certificate but those certificate doesn't mean anything. What matters is what we can do, and what we are capable of.

(4) Self-Awareness is questioning yourself.

For someone to get the complete view of the whole human being, you liberate yourself. By integrating your body, mind, and soul you immense yourself to different unfamiliar teritories then you question yourself. You rationalize, you analyze the implications, and you wonder about it's possibility and probability.

(5) It is in due time to be in integrity.

To be integrity, you feel, you sync, you and do.

You can create your destiny, you can become what you want to be, you just have to make a decision and choice. Example of this "I decided to take up nursing by virtue of circumstances." Then here is another example "It is my choice to become a cardiology doctor." Deciding is entirely different from choice.

High levelness of self is wanting something, choosing it, and doing something about it out of choice.

(6) Associate with people who are winners and optimists.

Stay away from the people who brings you down and who doesn't believe in you.

"Winners dwell on their desires (rewards of success) not on their limitations (penalties of failure).

(7) We need humility within ourselves.

We need to have humility because it's a cycle, what is up goes down and what is down goes up. But it's okay because I have myself, I can balance it, and I can start all over again.

(8) Self-Appraisal

Dream beyond. Think of possibilities to the extreme. Thinking of what's beyond us is having faith, hoping for the impossible and trying to believe in miracles.

(9) Life is a do-it myself project. I take credit for my accomplishments and mistakes that I did.

Other people tends to always have a say on someone especially on their mistakes. What they didn't know is sometimes their comments makes a person feel sometimes not good enough. It decreases their confidence about theirselves.

(10) Positive Self-esteem

You need to learn to love yourself. Then you can give love away. How can you give without having it at all in the first place.
Tell yourself "I chose to be happy. Others may not be happy for the decisions and choices you made, but you want to be happy. Besides we all deserve to be happy.

(11) To choose "Choice" you need to be liberated.

"When you always listen to what others have to say to please them, you imprison yourself."
I did said before that we chose to be happy. This is the life we all have, we should make the most of it.

(12) Positive Self-Projection

How you walk, talk, listen and look is you.
Don't just listen to the psychology of Winning as another program. GO OUT AND DO IT.

(13) In projecting your own health conditions to others, realize that your daily conversation is the automatic readout of your thoughts and subconscious emotions.

So talking to someone really helps especially when you've got someone to listen to your stress and concerns.
(14) In dealing with children or subordinates, in addition to ensuring proper health and environment focur their attention toward the reward or benefit of being well and productive.

Being well and productive really feels good especially when the ones you are helping are the less fortunate ones.

(15) Self-Control

Carry this motto of Cause and Effect with you in every transaction - "My rewards in life, will reflect my service and contribution."

I've chosen the part that's most important. The seminar's notes is 10 pages in total.

"Knowing others is wisdom. Knowing yourself is enlightenment." - Nobel Lecture 1989 by Dalai Lama, Chinese Philosopher

Television: Idiot Box?

2009-03-23T00:46:00.000-07:00

They said in the past that television is called the Idiot Box. Apparently a lot of people still believe it is but I strongly disagree.

One of the people I know who believes it is my Aunt. I kind of told her in the past that I passed my subject because of some show I am watching. She hated what I said and of course said something that wasn't nice again.

Anyway, in some ways it might still be an idiot box, depending on what the person is watching.

To me it's definitely not an idiot box because I've watched lots of shows that has helped me gain a lot of knowledge that some of my classmates, relatives and my Aunt didn't know. Another thing is as a nursing student you are expected to be familiar of some diseases. I want to tell you that there are some cases or diseases I am familiar with the help of the television.

The idiot box gave me motivation to reach my goals, dreams and aspiration and it's also the reason why I grew up believing in extreme possibilities and that I have faith and I believe in God. I love to read too but I prefer learning a lot of things through audio visual because it's more comprehensive and easy to learn.

Like I said I also love to read but the idiot box is also a way for me to escape reality and be engaged in a different world or fantasy world.

I believe that fairytales are for children to teach them to have faith, to have the courage to believe in extreme possibilities and miracles. So as they grow up they won't give up because life isn't what supposed to be in fairytales, dreamlands, and stuff.

Another thing is idiot box, gives you experiences of a person and that is meant for those children whose parents can't or won't allow them to go out their house. The idiot box provides new discoveries, and learnings. So I don't think it's an idiot box until now.

I maybe not understanding things because I don't know why it was called an idiot box, but there it is. TV is called an idiot box.

This Is Just So Sad

2009-03-19T06:47:00.000-07:00

Months ago I shared how much I love the movie Parent Trap. This is actually where I started to like her and appreciate her, Natasha Richardson.

H0nestly I find her quite amazing and with such an exquisite beauty.

She's very talented, and such a kind-hearted one.

I really never expected this news. When I saw the news on Yahoo, I wish it were just a sick joke. I can accept that but the fact that she's gone now, my mind is still trying to wrap itself on the idea.

I am so sad and I silently mourn for her.

It never came to me that when I finally had the time to post something, I'll end up posting something sad instead.

If you want to know what happen to her, click here.

Busy taking care of Home

2009-03-18T09:16:00.000-07:00

Hey guys I've been meaning to me post a lot of things but I can't because our maid left our house. My grandmother can't tire herself so much because she suffered from a mild stroke so we need to be careful. When I have a free time I'll post the things I can't wait to post. Topics like multiple personality, power of suggestion, and I forgot the list I made.

If there are topics you are interested to discuss just give me some comments. I have to go now because I don't have much time to stay longer here in the net.

It Gave Me a good Belly Laugh

2009-03-08T23:45:00.000-07:00

I was just watching and looking for new videos to adore and download so I can put it on my phone when I saw this. I thought it was going to be sweet and so I decided to give it a try. I enjoyed it a lot. I hope you do to.

It's really funny that I can't stop laughing while I'm watching it. It's sweet but entertaining, cute and adorable are more accurate words for this fan video. It really lifted my spirits. So I decided to share it in here. Enjoy!!! ^_^

If you enjoy the cartoons, go here, to view more. I'm telling you they're so amazing. They're so cute and adorable.

My Obsession For Understanding Human Behavior

2009-03-02T20:57:00.000-08:00

My love for understanding human behavior made me read in advance the lecture our professor is going to discuss on Friday maybe which is the Theories of Motivation. Instead of understanding why people do what they do, I ended up knowing and understanding why do I do what I do.

In the book they've elaborated, Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and started focusing on each one of them. Maslow's defined Self-Actualization as an ego need at the top of the needs hierarchy. Just like I said on my other entry, it is described as a desire to make the best one can out of oneself.

Self-Actualized Persons have the following characteristics:

1) Ability to see reality more clearly than others do.

2) Comfort with and attraction to the unknown.

3) Creativity in whatever they do and perceive.

4) Less defensiveness and artifice than others have, acceptance and adjustment to their own surroundings.

5) Discomfort when they are not doing something to improve their shortcomings, prejudices, jealousies, envy, and other faults of humanity.

6) Autonomous code of ethics.

7) Ability to conform easily when no great issues are involved.

8) Acceptance of their own nature, human nature, the realities of social life, and the constraints of physical reality.

9) Problem centered, not ego-centered.

10) Broad and universal values.

11) Deeply democratic, as opposed to authoritarian natures; thus they respect others. No wonder me and my Aunt is not on the same page. She's very Authoritative.

12) A strong sense of right and wrong, of good and evil.

13) Not interested in hostile humor. Their humor is of a philosophical bent stated only to produce a laugh.

14) Self-movers.

15) Detachment and objectivity in conditions of turmoil.

16) Self-actualized people like solitude and privacy.

17) Their relationship with others are profound and their circle of friends are small.

18) They love children and humanity but can be briefly hostile when the hostility is justified for the good of others.

19) In social terms, they Godly but not religious.

20) They are not conventional, but they conform to social graces with tolerance. They can be radical.

21) Self-actualized persons live longer, have less disease, sleep and eat better, and enjoy their sexual lives without unnecessary inhibitions.

22) Self-actualized people merge or unify dichotomies, such as selfishness, considering every act to be both selfish and unselfish.

23) Self-actualized people are meta motivated. Their motivations are for character growth, character expression, maturation, and development. They place more dependence on self-development and inner growth than they do on the prestige and status of others' honors.

24) Self-actualizing people are not perfect. They can be (or can be perceived to be) joyless, mundane, silly, waste, or thoughtless in habits, boring, stubborn, or irritating, superficially vain or proud; partial to their own productions, family, friends, or children; temperamental; ruthless; strong and independent of others' opinions, shocking in language and behavior; concentrated to the point of absentmindedness, humorlessness; mistaken or needing improvement. They can feel guilty, anxiety, sadness, self-castigation, internal strife, and conflict.

25) Pursuit and gratification of higher needs have desirable civic and social consequences: loyalty, friendliness, and civic consciousness. People who are living at this level make better parents, spouses, teachers, and public servants. They also create greater, stronger, and truer individualism. They are synergistic.

I'm not every number but I am majority of them. So I am a Self-actualizing person, it makes a lot of sense to me right now.

Why Do People Do What They Do?

2009-03-02T20:51:00.000-08:00

I don’t how and why but in highschool I became interested in why people do what they do so I started observing everyone around me and read psychology books and psychiatry books to understand people.

I also love reading X-file fanfictions and we all know that Mulder is a Psychologist and that’s how he became one of the best behavior profiler in the FBI at the show. He tries to understand the suspects they are pursuing and predict what’s they’re next move. According to him from a fanfiction,

Human Motivation could be so well understood that it could be used to anticipate action. Simply put, by knowing what made someone tick, you could know what he’d before he’ll do it. It was necessary to understand not only how that person sees the world, but also how that person sees himself. He’d learn that no one, not even a man who rapes, kills and mutilates small children, sees himself as evil.

When I saw that paragraph, it made me really curious that I decided to read again all the Theories of Motivation from Psychology and other books that discussed motivation or human behavior.

First is Viktor Frankl’s will to meaning as Marr’s principal motivation. In his theory he said that when a person loses the meaning of his life it creates existential neurosis, a boredom characterized by a feeling of meaninglessness. So here in this theory the person’s primary motivation is the need to actualize the human elements of his personality.

In a subtle way, somehow I believe what Viktor Frankl said based from my experiences, because more often than not, I tend to do things when the result means a lot to me. I always do the things I do, when I have a purpose or when what I’m about to do means something to me.

Then there’s a second theory I forgot to take note from who, said that subjects learn the specific response that occurs when a drive, or need-food or sex, for example is reduced. Without either drives or habits, the subject will not perform, for without habit strength, there is no knowledge of how to act and without drive there is no motivation act.

Basing it from the statement above, I actually understood it this way. A subject moves when he has drives but he won’t move until he knows how to get or achieve his drives. This time I can’t relate my personal experience because as for me, when I want something whether I know or not how to achieve it, I do everything to achieve it because if there’s a will there’s a way. If I want something, I'll definitely do everything I can to achieve it. If I don't know how to achieve it then I'll find ways how, learn it, and then apply what I've learned to achieve it.

The third theory is from Maslow, The most "evolved" motive in the hierarchy of needs is self-actualization. It may be described as a desire to make the best one can out of oneself.

In here, I strongly agree, the only way for me to achieve something is through self-actualization. I believe that if I became the best that I can be and I want to be, I'll reach my goals or I'll be able to achieve my dreams. I firmly believe that in this theory, a person should embrace himself. He should accept himself, strengths and weaknesses included because it makes him a better person for the future and for the people around him. If he became the best person that he can be, he'll do better not just for himself but for everyone.
There are plenty theories of motivation but I decided to make this simple and not very complex to understand.

So in the end I decided that people do what they do because of their intent or their motive. I also believe that experience is a big factor as well. Experience lead a person to think or believe something and because of that belief it makes them do what they do. Like when a person is lead to believe something but in the end it didn't happen, they start to believe that opposite of it. An example believes in a miracle. If miracles don't happen then he'll stop believing that miracles can happen. Then there's the religion. Religion is one of the reasons why people do, act, think, and believe what they do. While in an example above I said that some people stops believing in miracles because of their experiences. Now I am going to share a stanza saying that miracles happen when you believed. I think you might already have an idea what the song is.

They don't know it's often when you ask
And it's easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way straight through the rain
Boy,am i still resilient voice
Says love is the relief

I need to emphasize this song because if I don't it will seem that I ignored the possibility of miracles. I don't think I need to explain the stanza but I will. Some people stop to believe because they are blinded by their pain. The only way for them to believe again is to let go of their pain and to forgive.

Anyway, the information I shared are just theories. Some of them are controversial because of insufficient research which based on real people but psychologists have been studying it for years and is been applying those theories on occupations for a lot of decades now. Others may believe it and others may not. I will still insist that for always we will always be a stranger to each other and spending a lifetime with a person will not make you an expert on reading on to someone's actions.

Well just in case you are interested to view other motivation theories, here is a site. In here the motivations are simplified so it's easy to understand.

http://changingminds.org/explanations/theories/a_motivation.htm

Impact of Fan Videos

2009-03-01T21:11:00.000-08:00

I hate to confess this but it's so true. I just discovered vidding about 4 years ago. When I first watch a shipper video, I'm so silly that I cried of so much happiness. It's so surreal to me that something like that exists.

I know I definitely sound cheesy but it's true. Actually because of being a fan of vidding, I've also learned how to make one. It's not very easy. You need to give a lot of effort that you need to consider the clips, pictures, and the song you need to use, how do you want it to come out with a song, you need to consider learning editing, applying subtitles, special effects and being an expert in manipulating for you to get the result that you want. Since I don't have my own laptop. I'll take what I can get in using the computer. I make sure that I have more than 6 to 8 hours if I want to make a Fan Video. It's really hard but once you finished something, it's all worth it especially when a lot of people appreciates. It feels really great!

After 4 years of watching shipper videos, a lot of times it made me wonder if the actors knows about it and what do they of it, now I got my answer.

I'm really glad actually. How about you? What can you say about vidding shipper videos or other stuffs?

Staying Away from Tempts

2009-02-25T22:37:00.000-08:00

The first tempt I have at home is using the computer.
Second is watching TV.
Third is reading pocketbooks.

Every time I used them, I always hear not so nice comments.

I can still do them, they don't say anything but they give me piercing looks.
Alright I am not going to assume or jump into conclusions.

Instead this week, I did my best to stay at my room all day and that's the only part of the house I can really be me, and will have such comfort to move freely.

In the morning I don't do much because I can't. At night till dawn I can do anything because everyone is asleep. Though I hated my room because it reminds me a lot of my worst time, that's the only part of the house I considered threat free. The part of the house where I can only be vulnerable and nowhere in sight of our any household.

I only watch tv when x-files is on like just right now.

I use the computer midnight till dawn. Or I instead use my cousins Ipod touch to connect the Internet. It's not easy but I already get the hang of it. Just like now I'm typing slowly on my cousin's Ipod Touch while watching my favorite comfort zone or my favorite fantasy world from reality.

Please bear with me for now somehow that I may not be able to post everyday on my blog but maybe just once a week. I'll do my best to share my interest to all who is following my blog.

Sorry that I'll only become the person I want to be but not others want to see. Sorry that I'm not living up to anyone's picture of what an ideal person that I should be but that's life. That's the nature of the beast; and I'm not about to change who I am to meet anyone's expectations. And I've never aksed anyone to change for me. If anyone wants to hit me for that one, go ahead. I don't care-it's a free shot but I'm never giving in to anyone's picture of who they think I should be.

It's so unnerving that is why I desperately want to leave our house but the problem is I can't find a part time job to support myself and my studies. Another thing is I just can't leave the house just like that because this is Philippines. We are not like what we watch on the shows that when we feel like leaving the house to be on our own, we can't do that. It's too bad for me because I grew up watching English shows most of the time. I did watch some Filipino shows too but when I was young my relatives encouraged me to only watch English shows to learn and improve my English speaking skill. I'm not really that good. When I write or talk in English, I only used what I know and what I have learned from the book I bought "Creative Writing". So I grew up believing I could leave the house whenever I want to when I am old enough but it turns out that I can't because that's simply not the kind of practices and tradition we do in here.

What I Think Florence Nightingale Told Me

2009-02-20T09:35:00.000-08:00

I was actually planning of not watching it because I'll be home late night. The problem actually lies on my way home. It's hard to find a vehicle to ride home and because it's too far but it's a school requirement. So I watched the play about Florence Nightingale's life with my classmates and professors. To tell you the truth, I just got home now.

I wrote this immediately because I don't want it to slipped my mind. It never occurred to me that Florence Nightingale is similar to all of us. At first, to me she was just the great nurse who worked hard to improve the way nurses care for patients. I didn't know she got through a lot of things just to reach her goals.

Her mother never understood her, wanted different things for her, and she already has a plan for her but Florence had a dream that made her do things she doesn't understand at first. She keeps saying to herself she has a purpose to fulfill.

In the end, she realized what she really wants to do in her life. She found out what's her real purpose in life but she didn't get there easily.

All of her family members didn't agree to what she wants to do, to become a nurse. She sometimes even ended up being rude to her Mom unintentionally in some ways. It's just that her mother never understood her. Her mother even asked her, What did we do wrong in raising you? She answered immediately, "Nothing Mom."

Despite all her families refusal of her becoming a nurse. She still did it anyway. A lot of people at first didn't accept her but she never give up. She worked hard, she complained once in a while but after that she'll work hard again.

What really interested me is the part where she has to choose between her parents and between her career. When she left home, to fulfill her dream, her sister become mentally ill, her father got sick, and one of her Aunt died. She even refused to marry her true love because he's going to be a hindrance to her dreams. I never thought it was her fault that her family members got sick and some of them died. I mean there she was taking care of all the sick but she never got sick. What I find odd is her family members getting sick? She actually said she feels useless and she's a bad child to her family, and felt that she doens't have a depth of gratitude to what her family did and gave her.

In the end, all her work as a nurse was rewarded. People got to know her and majority of the nursing schools follow her theories because the quality of the results it gave. After a while her Dad started to support her, in the end her mother apologized to her that she never understood her goal in her life. Her Dad and sister was slowly cured. It was still a happy ending anyway.

Sometimes I think I can relate to her, because right now, I am having a hard time choosing between my career and my family. I love my family so much but I desperately want to have a self-fulfilled life and to be able to achieve my dreams, goals, and aspirations. It's not that my family has a different plan for me. It's just that in getting to the place I want to be, I want to do it my way not their way and that's the one they can't accept.

From some of my blogs, I said that it feels like my life doesn't have a meaning anymore but now, I think I already found something to believe. I think Florence Nightingale told me to follow my dreams despite the hardships and difficulties in life I am going to face. So somehow I am determined again, and motivated to start doing something to improve myself, and reach my goals. I am going to follow my dreams and that's it.

I know that my parents only wants the best for me and in the end if everything works out fine. I know they'll understand me too. I believe that everything is going to be fine. I don't why but there's little conviction inside of me telling me, somehow it work out in the end.

Things I Love To Hate

2009-02-14T00:14:00.000-08:00

I think this is such an irony for the day but I just found it from other blogs I'm following. Sorry I forgot the name. I'll come back to it as soon as possible.

The instruction is to write 25 things I love to Hate:

1) Staying at home doing nothing

2) Talking to no one

3) People who keeps questioning me

4) Judgmental and people who jumps to conclusion (Gosh! I'm actually one of them)

5) People who don't know how to appreciate

6) People who are not sensitive to others feelings

7) A know it all person

8) People who insists of knowing how you feel when they don't

9) People gets in my way to achieve my dreams

10) People who thinks they're the best because of their credentials

11) People who look down on other people

12) Weekends

13) Spoiled Brats

14) People who plays safe and ends up hurting others

15) Hot Weather

16) Snakes, worms, cockroaches, lizards

17) Very strict and critical people

18) Self-centered narcissistic people

19) People who are afraid to take risks

20) Getting bullied

21) Abusive people and Rude people

22) Sad Love story endings

23) People who does not care about human life

24) People who gives up easily

25) People expects a lot and depends a lot on other people

( I am not a very angry person it's that people are the only ones I could think about that I could hate. Well to others who are going to try this, you could hate anything like things, houses, places, animals, etc.) Enjoy!^_^

Let's see what I have done

2009-02-05T05:33:00.000-08:00

I saw this from the blog I am following "Thoughts of a closet writer. I decided to try it and see how I am enjoying my life. I am going to highlight the things I've done. You should try it too.

1. Started your own blog 2. Slept under the stars 3. Played in a band 4. Visited Hawaii 5. Watched a meteor shower 6. Given more than you can afford to charity 7. Been to Disneyland or Disneyworld 8. Climbed a mountain 9. Held a praying mantis 10. Sang a solo 11. Bungee jumped 12. Visited Paris 13. Watched a lightning storm at sea 14. Taught yourself an art from scratch 15. Adopted a child 16. Had food poisoning 17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty 18. Grown your own vegetables 19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France 20. Slept on an overnight train 21. Had a pillow fight 22. Hitch hiked 23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill 24. Built a snow fort 25. Held a lamb 26. Gone skinny dipping (not yet!) 27. Run a Marathon 28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice 29. Seen a total eclipse 30. Watched a sunrise or sunset 31. Hit a home run 32. Been on a cruise 33. Seen Niagara Falls in person 34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors 35. Seen an Amish community 36. Taught yourself a new language 37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied 38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person 39. Gone rock climbing 40. Seen Michelangelo’s David 41. Sung karaoke 42. Seen Olde Faithful Geyser Erupt 43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant 44. Visited Africa 45. Walked on a beach by moonlight 46. Been transported in an ambulance 47. Had your portrait painted 48. Gone deep sea fishing 49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person 50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris 51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling 52. Kissed in the rain 53. Played in the mud 54. Gone to a drive-in theater 55. Been in a movie or on a TV show 56. Visited the Great Wall of China 57. Started a business 58. Had an encounter with a wild animal 59. Visited Russia 60. Served at a soup kitchen 61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies 62. Gone whale watching 63. Got flowers for no reason 64. Donated blood, platelets, or plasma 65. Gone sky diving 66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp 67. Bounced a check 68. Flown in a helicopter 69. Saved a favorite childhood toy 70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial 71. Eaten Caviar 72. Pieced a quilt 73. Stood in Times Square 74. Toured the Everglades 75. Been fired from a job 76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London 77. Broken a bone 78. Been on a speeding motorcycle 79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person 80. Published a book 81. Visited the Vatican 82. Bought a brand new car 83. Walked in Jerusalem 84. Had your picture in the newspaper 85. Read the entire Bible 86. Visited the White House 87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating 88. Had chickenpox 89. Saved someone’s life 90. Sat on a Jury 91. Met someone famous 92. Joined a book club 93. Lost a loved one 94. Had a baby 95. Seen the Alamo in person 96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake 97. Been involved in a law suit 98. Owned a cell phone 99. Been stung by a bee 100. Taken a martial arts class.

Wow! It means I should go out more and enjoy the nature has to offer and everything around me.

Sparkle Me

2009-02-03T21:39:00.000-08:00

If any of you watch Grey's Anatomy and are fond of Burke and Cristina's relationship, then you know that Sparkle Me is an important song to Bang Fans or that you are aware of the mtc people. I am actually one of them.

I am just a recent Burke-Cristina fan. My cousins just keep saying in the past that they like Grey's Anatomy more compared to House so I tried checking it out. I decided I like both of the show because they focus on different things and their only similarities is medicine.

Anyway, I am really move by compassion and tears by Burke and Cristina's story. It was like a fairytale, I really thought they'll end up together. The last episode says it all "Didn't we almost have it all?" it said. It's very pathetic but when I found out that Burke left Cristina on the altar. I was very heartbroken, disappointed, and tear-streaked as if I am the one Burke left. I kept asking my friends why love isn't enough for a couple to last forever and for a couple to stick together, perhaps because they don't know what they are doing from the start and also maybe because they are timid enough and very prideful to fix their relationship with someone. Until now I still can't accept the fact they didn't end up together. It's one of the life's lesson I've learned the hard way. And the worst is I learned it through Burke and Cristina's relationship. It's just a show but in real life, lots of relationship doesn’t work because Love is not enough. I'm actually bitter about that fact but I've accepted it anyway. It's been months since I got my heart broken.

I did mention yesterday that I started counseling sessions with the school's guidance counselor, after letting her read my journal and explaining my problems to her, I cried but not as much as we both expected to at the minus one music of Unchained Melody. It's a very precious moment because to tell you the truth Unchained Melody meant something to me.

Well let me tell you first what my problem is all these years, I am emotionally battered, abused and beaten up that I lost my self-esteem, confidence and my voice. I very traumatized that I can't concentrate, I am tense, I panic a lot, and I feel belittled and so much underestimated. I can't seem to do things right so I rather be alone or be with my true friends. I can never tell anyone what I feel and think. I can only write because when you write, no one is contradicting you, attacking you and assaulting you. It is not a very nice thing to say. I grew up traumatized and scared all these years. I rather be alone because I more rational, sensible, makes a lot of sense, and more grounded when I’m not with people who threatens me in emotionally

When I got home and later decided to sleep, I borrowed my cousin's Ipod and listened to a lot of songs. The songs I've listened to made me remember a lot of things and stuffs but the last song made me realize a lot of things. I don't why but it just did. I decided to play Sparkle Me and put it in a replay like I always do months or a year ago.

When I heard the song, it was nostalgic and weird because it brought out sad feelings. I thought I felt sad because it's Burke and Cristina's song. Until I listened to it over and over again, rush of emotions came over me. It's like my conversation with my counselor just had an effect on me. I started to cry aimlessly. I don't know how long I've been crying but it was a very good cry. It's like a heavy burden was lifted off me.

I'm not sure but this is what I realized and felt while listening to the song. My personal problem somehow has been solved in little ways or let's just say has calmed down but no matter what happens now, the damage that has been done to me, the things I've lost in the past, and the hurt it caused me will never change everything. I feel less burdened and a bit relief but my experiences in life totally changed me to a person I hardly recognize. Whatever apology or promise people is going to make, it will never bring back the things I've lost. They say when it comes to love in relationships, if damages are done, no matter how painful; it can be fix by making up. I wonder if the same goes when it comes to family relationships.

I know I'll be fine in a matter of days, months, or even year. I think I'll recover from everything I've gone through after two years. My friends who know me will get the old me after two years or so. I don't know why but I'm sure of it.

Right now, I'm really gloomy I have no interest in a lot of things. I am not even interested in watching TV, listening to music, or use the computer at home. Right now, I am in a relative’s house. From now on, I won't be logging in everyday, just once a week.

Counseling

2009-02-03T01:49:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't been actively posting this days. It's because of personal family problems that I need to prioritize and sort out now.

I'll be taking some time off to fix myself by staying at home reflecting or doing things I need to do and visit school for my class or talk to the school's guidance counsellor.

Well I know that some of you who's been following my site are aware that I'm going through something ever since last year. My hard time is not done yet, I still need to face a lot of things and say a lot of things so that I'll be able to explain a lot of things about myself. Like I told you before I am a very secretive and quiet person that I don't breathe a word about my problems, feelings, vents and frustrations.

I may be talkative when it comes to other things such as X-Files, and other stuff but when it comes to me and my feelings, I'm left tongue-tied, threatened, beaten, and really hurt. I know you are all asking why just now am I doing something like this? I mean I did say in the past that somehow I am aware that I have a problem. Well the answer to your question is because this is the time that I really get to see clearly and realize everything. So now, I am coming out of my shell and I will reach for help.

So I hope you understand, after all I know that I'm not really that good enough in writing. Well at the days that I won't be posting I'll still be writing because that's what the guidance counsellor told me to do to pour out my feelings because it will really help me.

So I need to go, wish me luck and really pray for me that everything is going to be fine somehow in the end. I am expecting a great happy ending but maybe just a fine ending to my problem that's all. Thanks a lot for the support. Take care.

What Is Writing To Me?

2009-01-25T20:33:00.000-08:00

According to old Mr. Webster, Writing is to express ideas or communicate in writing.

I didn't believe that everyone can write, it just occured to me that it's true when my friend told me that can write and also when I saw the movie "Freedom Writers". It said in there that everyone of us has a story to tell.

So writing means differently in everyone of us. To others writing is a person's way of teaching others of what he knows about a particular subject. So he writes to make academic books.

There are some who write to inspire. How do they do it? They share their experiences, hardships, success and failures and in the end of their composition, they tell us what they learned from them then encourage the readers to don't give up on their dreams because in life God gives everyone a test that we can learn from.

Now there are people who writes to communicate their feelings. This is actually common to old traditional guys who write love letters to the lady they are wooing. Though there are instances that others write to communicate with their love ones who are miles away from them.

Sometimes writing are for those who does not have enough confidence to voice out what they think and feel. This is true for my part. I don't know why but I am not confident enough to tell the people I know what I think so I write. I write to voice out my ideas, feelings, opinions, and to be able to express myself to other people. Most of the time I write to express what I want and what I need through stories.

Writing is also a means of coping to others. Sometimes a person experiences a lot of horrible and traumatic things in life and the worst part is they are deprive of all the chances to speak out their concerns and frustrations so instead they write to vent and to get it out of their systems.

Like I mentioned before, writing means a lot of things. I just mentioned few of them that I'm aware of.

I think writing is very important because it's an outlet and for any one who wants to say something but can't or won't for some personal reason.

My Serial Killer In The Making Theory

2009-01-25T20:18:00.000-08:00

I believe that anyone could turn out like a serial killer. Why? I think it really is possible because most of the killers turned up the way they are because of the lifestyle they've lead and the way they were raise. Most of the people could end up that way when people around them, or the people they grown up with, don't take care of them, don't understand them, and when they are never given the chance to be heard and they are unfulfilled in a lot aspects of their life. They prefer to be alone. They don't socialize a lot. There are two kinds of them in the making. They are either uneducated or educated.

As a non-educated one, they know they have a problem but they won't admit to it, they are full of anger, hatred, grudges, and bitterness because of what they went through in the past. They are numb of pain that they don't have any conscience left in them. Their hearts are consumed of getting vindicated, fighting for what they deserve, they take their emotions on the safer people or depending on the unfulfilled gratifications they have, they want attention, they want people to care, they want to be understood, they want to feel important because no one in their life has ever made them feel that way.

As an educated one, I have to believe there is still enough conscience left in them but they could still end up as a killer because this time they are consumed with repressed emotions. This time these people are going to snap, they are going to totally lose the sanity left in them. When everything around them has fallen apart, and if they have been broken for losing the one who only cares for them. These people are forced or coerced to live up to some one's standards depriving them from doing what they want in life, preventing them from attaining their goals, self-fulfillment and making them sacrifice things that matters to them a lot. These people lives under any authority to them. It could be anyone like parents, or their boss. It is because they wanted to please them but nothing will be enough to them. You know, make their parents proud to be able to fit at the society, in the classifications.

They grew up in an educated family with lots of achievements and have prominent position leaving them as a loser or black sheep of the family. They live double lives. In front of their family, they are obedient, pushovers, expected to accept everything good or bad without complain. They are people who don't appreciate the things and blessings in life they are given to. They are not average people. They know a lot about certain topics. They have spent an amount of time in books; you can call them wide readers. They are capable of things; people around them believe they can't do. It's because all their life all they did is make the right choice but they're just humans. Everyone should make a mistake to learn from it and parents should be willing to let go and let their child makes mistakes without bashing them for it for the rest of their lives. They have certain failures because of feelings bottling inside them to fulfill a pleasure just this once for the first time or should they fulfill a responsibility first. They family hate them for the person that they turn out to be because of their failures.

The family is always not familiar with their double life. Their double life is the one that gives them freedom to become the person they want to be. In that double life they let out the knowledge they have acquired from books and help each people they met with it. In that double life, they are appreciated, loved, cared, and looked up to by other people. Their family is so important to them that they know and are aware they are capable of bad things such as killing and hurting other people they might end their life for good or they'll assume they are doing a world a big favor. If they lose it, they'll totally be insane and untreatable. They are going to do anything without conscience for gratification purposes. Some of them will experience some anterograde amnesia after the event.

My classmates and me have spent some time with a person like that for two weeks. We were assigned to the ward where in the patients are convicted of crimes. Our professor let us know of our patient's diagnosis and crimes they did on our last day. The patient I was talking about is assigned to my classmate. He is jolly, loves to dance and sing, and fun to talk to. He was convicted of raping a three old and dumping her body on the creak or sewers I think. He doesn't remember what he did. He also does drugs and was a drunk. I don't know if you're going to believe him or not. I'm not there at the incident so I am not going to assume. What he did is not accepted and justified. Without a reasonable doubt, whether his insane or not, he still did it. So he deserves to be behind bars.

Somehow to some of them, I feel so bad about this people because they are not raise in a right way for them to turn up well. They are not somehow appreciated, their opinions are being dismissed by anyone, and their needs are unfulfilled. So they end up rebelling, killing, and bombing people as a means of gratification. While they are committing the crime, they only feel powerful but not conscience or guilt because they are numb with pain of rejection, dismissal, passing judgments from critical people, people used them to reach the top even as an experiment, test subject as if they're not human, they are emotionally vulnerable people trying to fight back. If only they are raised right or treated right, some of them who are bright and smart could have contributed a lot in the society or government.

Another thing is not all serial killers are vulnerable. If they are vulnerable, they'll do something for absolution indicating that they know what they did is wrong though it will not change everything. They still had killed someone.

Prisoners when they came out of jail without intense counselling and education, they turn much worse because inside they prison, they are locked in and isolated. They are so angry that's why when they come out, there are more likely to commit violence and also because they are stigmatized. - National Geographic Channel

What people don't get about prisons and jails is they are not locked up and isolated to be punish but to give them time to reflect on what they did. It gives them time to realize that what they did is wrong but that depends on the case. That is why the government should work effectively and wisely decides who should be locked up or who should be admitted in a rehabilitation center or to a psychiatry ward.

MSR-How we used to be

2009-01-23T02:30:00.000-08:00

Since my friend XFyellowbee posted her shipper video I just can't enough of it. I downloaded it using the youtube downloader and converted it to 3GP format so I can put it in my phone. Since then I keep watching it before I sleep and after I wake up. When I open my youtube I watch it too. I even used it as my video log.

Summary of the shipper video:

This video focuses on Mulder's wish to get the professional relationship with Scully back... while their romace grew in IWTB, something broke and this was their professional partnership! This video is Mulder's wish to get it back ... it's not deep enough to explore why sometimes things change and the advantages and disadvantages of it but just the iminent feeling not to have it... and that sometimes he might have been nostalgic and so was I!

What can I say about it? The editing is excellent. The clips she used fits the song's lyrics. Even the clip's added effect on it. As for the song, it keeps playing on my mind. It has great lyrics. The summary is from youtube itself, okay?

The song actually reminds me of my friend and her guy friend. The song fits my friends too not just Mulder and Scully but I won't tell anyone what happen to them because I'm not at liberty to talk. The whole song don't fit my friend's situation just some part of it.

I guess I never really told you why I love it. I actually found it one of the few best MSR shipper videos that really portrayed Mulder and Scully's relationship together until now. All I can say is XFYellowbee really chose all the clips and put them at the right place and time perfectly in synchrony. When I first saw it, I really saw the essence of their relationship all these years and what happen to them.

I'll just post the lyrics in additional:

How we used to be by Chris Daughtry

You used to talk to me like

I was the only one around.

You used to lean on me like

The only other choice was falling down.

You used to walk with me like

We had nowhere we needed to go,

Nice and slow, to no place in particular.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I used to reach for you when

I got lost along the way.

I used to listen.

You always had just the right thing to say.

I used to follow you.

Never really cared where we would go,

Fast or slow, to anywhere at all.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be?

I look around me,

And I want you to be there

'Cause I miss the things that we shared.

Look around you.

It's empty, and you're sad

'Cause you miss the love that we had.

You used to talk to me like

I was the only one around,

The only one around.

We used to have this figured out;

We used to breathe without a doubt.

When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see.

We used to have this under control.

We never thought.

We used to know.

At least there's you, and at least there's me.

Can we get this back?

Can we get this back to how it used to be? Yeah.

To how it used to be.

To how it used to be, yeah.

To how it used to be.

To how it used to be.

A Person can Change: Is it True?

2009-01-22T00:01:00.000-08:00

In the past I always believe that nobody could change because if people can, then they will be twisting their selves to become the person who is going to be accepted in a society. It seems to me that people who do change are just pleasing others. I was wrong.

It's not an imminent change where in if I told someone to change, they will change right away. They can try but old habits will go back.

I am implying a change where in the person will be practically unrecognizable to people who knows him well.

I am talking about a person who decided to stop and for a while take a look at himself in the mirror to see the person he had turn out to be and decided to become better and fulfill himself to the best that he can be.

There are a lot of things that can give a great impact to a person to change. A person will undergo lots of phases in his life to change. There's the part where the person will re-evaluate himself at a tender situation. And the only way to fix the situation is to pick himself up, put everything back together and change for the better. Do some things right and start all over again. Of course when they've committed mistakes along the way. People around him should be willing to let go and not bash them for their mistake for the rest of their lives because that's what forgiveness means.

"Forgiveness is a promise not a feeling." When you forgive other people, you're making a promise not to use there past sin against them.

That is why when people have problems; they tend to go to a different place because they need something in their life to change for everything to be all right again.

I remember before my professor would start our class in Maternal and Child, he always first open a present to the whole class a story with inspirational messages for us to ponder on. Then his last words to us before we begin the lecture most of the time are "Change is Inevitable". I believe it is because nothing stays permanent. Every time our surroundings change, we also have to change to be able to adapt and get through the next chapter of our life. If you can't change, then you have a big problem.

Deep inside I know I wanted to change but I don't have the power that's the problem. I really do want to change but there are just times that temptation always wins me more often, until things around me actually changed. In the past I can't adapt to change. My problems started and everything around me has fallen apart.

Now I am a change person. I've learned a lot of things during the past couple of months of 2008. I've done a lot of things I never thought I would do. I guess it's such a coincidence that my life happens to change this 2009. Last year I've decided a lot of things I would do when 2009 comes. Usually when I plan something in the past, I always fail to make my plans come true. Unexpectedly I did something now. I changed.

This is the only way I can explain how. I've lost almost everything that means a lot to me and because of my friends and family's continues support I've managed to pick myself up.

How did I do that? It's simple. I actually got this from a movie. Someone ask the main character, "You lost everything, how did you manage to pick everything back together?" The main character said, "You become a different person." I'm not sure if those are exactly the words but that's the message.

When I heard those lines, I was surprised because she's right and I just went through that change just last year.

I wouldn't say I totally change, instead I realized and learned a lot of things so I decided to change some of my bad habits that I know will not help me to get through the next chapter of my life. Changing is not easy. Will alone, will not moved you at all but motivation and determination. A person can move to change by 2 motivations. It's either a good thing or bad thing but whichever from the two the person would choose, he will change.

Nothing good will happen if I just stare into space and loathe about the things I couldn't do and I couldn't have. Another thing is all my life; I haven't been myself because I was busy getting someone's approval. Days ago or years ago I was this almost perfect person everybody would love because I obey everything they say and I agree to everything they say to get along even though I'm not happy about it but I did it.

Now, the real me have somehow come out of my shell. I don't know how. I just started to change. I started thinking differently. I started doing things I've never done before. I am now a different person in a way but the real me. This is the real me.

Change happens when you start to make sense of things. To tell you truth some of lessons I've learned, I realized I already knew them before but I forgot about them though the messages are not clear to me before than now. I can see things clearly now.

I realized somehow that I grew up emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically.

Months ago I would have agreed with you that there is a line that should never be crossed. But since then, I've learned otherwise. It is unhealthy and impossible for a person to compartmentalize him or herself so completely. That is an inhuman expectation. People should understand that no one is perfect. People should have fewer expectations.

One I Love but not the One

2009-01-13T17:27:00.000-08:00

I found this on my things months ago. I'm not sure if I wrote this is or not but I think I did. Its about a guy I thought was the one for me. Though we are still good friends now I think it's because of the few days company together. Oh I don't know but it seems to me that we have the chemistry. He is not the one but we really get along a lot. Of course I'm not sure if he's the one I just feel that somehow he is not. We don't know each other that much. My only impression of him is he seems to be decent enough, neat, responsible, nice, stubborn, jokes a lot, likes to make fun of me and will not lead you on. What I think of him is he seems to be a play boy, and loves to banter and throw some innuendos. Normal guy just like the others I know but unique in a very special way.

I was walking down the street
Dreaming of my perfect prince
Then I saw you, my heart felt aglow
Your eyes are shining, your smile is so bright
But then I realized you could never be mine

He was sitting on a cafe
I was beside him self-contained
But I'm in a rush, my body is shivering
My heart is blissfully singing
I wonder how it feels
If you love me too
I wonder how its like to be with you

When will God give me a miracle
When will my perfect prince cast a glimpse on me
I will always love him with all my heart
But I will soon love another
When I let him go

Questions for you and me this New Year

2009-01-04T20:53:00.000-08:00

As a nursing student, I always get to be the interviewer. Everyday I ask the 3-5 patients the same thing. You'll think it's boring and tiring. It's not actually, because I get to learn about their condition and I get to know them.

This started when my eyes caught Mr. Nighttime's blog yesterday. I got interested and gave myself a chance to try. I emailed him with a message interview me and he gets to choose 5 questions for me to answer in my blog.

So here are the questions Mr. Nighttime asked me about:

1. Which movie/television show best describes your life and why?

I have to say X-Files because in my life, I could say I through a lot of things and still getting through them that it made me the different, weird person that I turn to be. Somehow it made me doubt and question a lot of things around me. Even my faith, and the people in my life. There are times that I pushed them all away because the people around had become a hindrance in my search for the truth that everybody seems to be hiding from me, they had become such a big disappointment to me and such an strong force on stopping me from embracing my passion to be happy. Just like the X-Files, the characters got through a lot of things and a lot of people around them are preventing them and doing everything to stop them.

Ugh! Did I just bore you? Am I being melodramatic? Oops! I did it again. :D

2. A former friend that badly hurt you in past, now calls you up and asks for your help with a serious matter, one of life or death. Do you help them?

Yes, I will help them. Past is past. I can forgive them. Besides forgiving someone means not to use their sins against them anywhere in the future.

3. Vacation - Paris or New York City?

New York City because I love the impression most of the people have in the place. The city that never sleeps. Me and New York City is a match made in heaven. I usually sleep in the morning and sometimes I don't sleep at all.

4. What is your favorite curse word? (okay, I stole this from "Inside The Actor's Studio.)

Sh*t but I usually adopt to what I hear or read all the time. This last few months, I've been reading fanfictions and I accidentally adopted the curse word, the characters always say f*cking sh*t. It's almost the same thing. Excuse my french.

5. If there is one moment in your life that changed your outlook on the world forever, what would it be?

It's the moment that I survived from trying to kill myself from being a manic depressive and paranoid.

So, if you'd like to play along, here are the rules:

Send me an email saying: ”Interview Me” (see my profile page for address)
I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
You can then answer the questions on your blog.
You should also post these rules along with an offer to interview anyone else who emails you wanting to be interviewed.

The Laws of Attraction

2008-12-31T07:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I get to watch Oprah’s show. They are talking about Laws of Attraction. The simplest meaning of it is likes attracts like. Or we can put it this way always think positively, envision what you want all the time, focus on what you want, do something to get what you want and in the end you’ll eventually get them.

It’s not my first time to hear but I am going to admit that I am only aware of the movie Laws of Attraction starring Pierce Brosnan and Julianne Moore. I enjoyed the movie by the way.

I found Oprah as I was flipping channels. I got so interested so I decided to watch it. Then I realized that the law of attraction really works. I know a lot of people are wondering how do I manage to get through a lot of things without having any release from feelings that are bottling inside me. I am not sure if you follow but I just realize that the law of attraction is been governing my life for more than 17 years that somehow despite my madness I still had ended up with a sane mind. It’s all because I am a very optimistic person. I don’t dwell on feelings most of the time. When someone quarrels me I ignore them, when someone steps at me I let them be, when someone has hurt me I’ll cry about it for some time then after a few moments I’ll be fine. I don’t fight them instead I did my best to focus myself on my goal. There are a lot of things that can put me down but I know too well that I should not let it to me instead I lived by the laws of attraction. I ignored the pain and bottled feelings inside and had focus myself on doing things that will help me attain my goal.

I know it’s not a very healthy lifestyle keeping and solving your problems to yourself, not standing up to people and tell them how they should treat you right. Instead I have set my eyes on the goal.

When I got into college, the law of attraction slowly became obsolete. A lot of my friends are so pessimistic, contradicting, and a lot of stuff that I ended up becoming an angry and selfish person demanding for some things I don’t necessarily need. Well I need to be heard, listened and understood but I know that I could ask for them. I don’t really need to attack someone just to get it.

Now we are going away from the topic. I believe that the Law of Attraction is very effective. So people should be more pessimistic and hopeful because they project energy to make it happen in their life. Of course it’s not easy but you can start of always having a positive mind, forgive those who have done something wrong to you, look back to your past, thank them, appreciate the family you’ve got, and love the family you’ve got, because in the end you’ll eventually succeed or walk away home with a miracle when you don’t even believe in it.

Withdrawal

2008-12-16T22:28:00.000-08:00

Withdrawal is a common practice now. First, let me clear that I am not talking about safe conception methods, though I am sure it's an interesting topic. What I am talking about is the attitude a lot of teenagers do to their parents, and friends. Well it's not just teenagers, there adults but it's more common at the young age. Actually that feeling is normal when a child is undergoing certain issues. It could be triggered by a lot of things such as divorcing parents, peer pressure, too much family expectations, family with no permanent address because they move too much, etc.

In our time now, majority of the people who has lots of problems of connecting to to others. They ditch people, they put up a strong front, they make the words "i'm Fine" does not sound like a word anymore, they don't communicate, and all they do is work or anything that will shift the topic off them when you start to get personal.

Did it ever occur to anyone, if they knew someone like that, why do they do it? According to a scientific literature, "To cope with unacceptable feelings about becoming vulnerable and the resulting ambivalent feelings about intimacy, some people withdraw from any sexual behavior. Others may engage in increased sexual behavior with multiple partners to protect themselves from one intimate relationship."

Base from my experiences and some of my friends experiences, a person ditches when they are a hindrance to their goal, when they are holding them back to do what they want to do or to reach their goal, and when they disagree with your ways and beliefs. Some people put up a strong front because they don't want to be weak on someone's eyes and make them think that they need some saving, they don't communicate because they are afraid to hurt the one they love or they are protecting their self from attacks, they don't voice out their feelings when they are hurt because it's going to break their loveones heart, they don't ask for something they want or they don't voice out what they want to do because of two things, it's either someone have disappointed them so they don't have any expectations to that someone anymore, or all they have are a list of broken promises. Some people withdraw instead of let someone in because they are broken and they are afraid someone is going to hurt them again. A person is broken when they have lost someone so important to them.

It's a normal reaction. It's a normal defense mechanism. It's a normal reflex to build walls to be able to protect yourself but it's not healthy to maintain the walls intact forever or you might end up alone.

It's all going to hurt but nothing's going to change and it's not going to get any better if you don't do anything to change. The pain we feel is a good thing. It makes us human. It reminds us that were human that we all commit mistakes. Pain actually forces us to grow up, to learn from our mistake, to learn to forgive, to learn to move on, for us to achieve what we deserve in life. I hope you get the point of the message.

So let me leave this quote to inspire some of us:

"Dance as if no one is watching.
Sing as if no one can hear you.
and Love as if you have never been hurt before."

I Wish I Knew Before The Things I Knew Now

2008-12-16T22:26:00.002-08:00

Other people says this a lot. I don't get it, to me they are lucky because they had the chance to do the things they wanted to do. Sure they have committed lots of mistakes but they have learned from it so why do they also if I could turn back time I'll do it differently.

I wish don't know the things I found out when I was younger, I wish I don't understood a lot of things I have when I was younger so people instead will try to understand me instead me always doing the adjusting and understanding them. It's bad thought I guess. I said it because there a lot of things I choose not to do in the past because I always reason out that it's wrong, my relatives will not approve on this, they'll reprimand me the whole day. I know them so well that when a classmate of mine invite to something or offer something to me, I turn it down immediately, even though deep inside I really want it. I said No because I am fully aware that no matter how I force my relatives and my grandfather, they will never allow me. I don't get why people with the same age as mine can do things that I can't and some of things even though they know they are wrong. I don't get why parents expect all their children not to break the rules or cross the line. I have a simple different opposition, lines and boundaries are made to be cross because if you don't that's just so inhumane. Can you really compartmentalize crossing them or not? It's just two things, you either cross it or not. You can't be in between.

I believe people who had pretty much did everything to enjoy their life and have live their life to the fullest when they're young but have committed too many mistakes had learned from it are very lucky because they get to experience a lot of things.

And people I believe who did not have a chance to enjoy their life and live their life to the fullest when they are young is a person who is raise with such discipline and patience to get through the rules of their parents. They are the children who were force to understand things right away because of early responsibilities that they have to mature right away. It's a good thing to mature and be responsible in a very early age. But they have the right to have a play therapy to explore new things regardless if it's harmless or not because that is how they develop independence and autonomous behavior. Every child of every age should have a play therapy where in they are free to experience things that are beyond their control and understanding because that's where their critical thinking will develop.

Maybe it is just fair to one of them to get a chance to learn from their mistakes, and of them has learned a lesson before committing it. All of it has it's share of advantages and disadvantages. To those who have lived their life meaningfully, they committed a lot of mistakes, failed a lot of times, and have hurt a lof of people in the process. Those facts could be devastating because it seems like all their life they just wasted their time committing mistakes rather choosing the right one. For me they have done a lot of wrong things but at least they had the chance to do the things that they want.

To those people who have lived their life with the rules, they don't have regrets about people they hurt in the past, and they don't need to loath on their failures. For me they didn't have the chance to experience a lot of things but at least they don't have much regrets.

For my part I just I wish I have enjoyed my life more than live by the rules. It's not that I don't want to obey my parents. I guess I wish I could have experience a lot of things, tried a lot of things in the past rather than stay at home watch tv, and draw. I wish I have spent some time with my friends on malls and on their houses. My cousins, they have slept overnight on their classmates house, watch movies at the theatre, and go to the malls with their classmates. I never done that when I was their age. My relatives never allowed me. I couldn't complain because they won't understand. How about you?

The Most Critical and Enjoyed RLE

2008-12-16T22:26:00.001-08:00

For those who does not have an idea on RLE means, it is Related Learning Experiences. That's what student nurses here call their working shifts at the hospital.

I would never forget the rush on the delivery room, our clinical instructor (CI) taught as everything we need to know before exposing us to the wards. At first, we pretty hate him that much because he made his subject (Maternal and Child Health Nursing) so hard to pass that we have read the book over and over and again to understand and memorize everything but when we are on our RLE on the delivery room, we realized all he did is worth it and we even have to be grateful for the things he did to make sure we understand the subject.
In the delivery room, once you get the hang of it, you'll enjoy it. I was very elated going to the delivery room everyday. I woke up 3 in the morning, left by house by 4 then arrived at the hospital about 5 AM onwards. We are supposed to be there before 6 or as early as we can because we still need to change to our scrubs and sometimes some patients are already in labor even at dawn.
The most boring time is to wait for them to be fully dilated. The memorable moment most of the time is after assisting a delivery we have to change to a new sterile gloves right away and go on the next patient in labor and change roles. Time flies there so fast, and the experience is really great. Standard requirements here is 5 or more assisting deliveries, deliver babies, and taking care of the babies. You know anthropometric signs, Apgar scoring, injecting Vit. K on the baby, putting prophylaxis on the baby's eyes, taking the baby to bath and clothing the baby. We actually worked out a schedule where in all of us could get all the requirements we need. The drill is easy if you studied very hard and knows what to do in there.

Then there's the Critical RLE.Critical because you get to learn a lot of things and you to be careful because the patients are in critical condition. One mistake could end them in one snap. It's also critical because it's graveyard shift. What I am talking about is when we are assigned to the medical ICU on the graveyard shift, it's when we should be working while most people are sleeping. So you now get the idea right.

In the MICU, we have to get their vitals hourly sometimes less like every 30 minutes or 15 minutes. When it's less it means it's only a few moments before your patient dies that is why you have monitor them almost all the time. You have to stay by their side and do everything you can to keep them breathing. So we take their vitals, give them their medications at the right time, and making them comfortable. I actually remembered our CI taught us to endorse a patient's case on the different ward and on how to operate the different medical equipments inside.

One of the great experiences I have is when we learned a lot at the Neurological ICU, and at the Neurological Ward on a military hospital. We are able to do different skills like tracheostomy care, suctioning, cleaning wounds, regulating IV fluids, calculating the exact dosage of their medications and IVs they need to consume in a certain time, irrigating wounds, bandaging, and others. We really learned a lot. It's the most tiring and exhausting times but it's all worth it because I know I've helped someone. Whether he is going to die or not.

One of the enjoyable and unforgettable experience is being on the operating room. Inside the OR you need to assist 5 major and minor operations. My favorite case is my first major case it's Exploratory Laparotomy, Lymph Node biopsy; gastrojejunostomy, cholecyst jejunostomy. It was a great case. It almost became a Whipple surgery but I love it anyway. Well the OR case I appreciate the most is the vaginal myomectomy, Total Abdominal Hysterectomy Bilateral Salpingo Oopherectomy because I have done a lot inside the OR. I just assist but it's a great feeling when you know you get the chance to do a lot inside rather than just watch. Well there are cases that I am just a Circulating nurse, but it was still fine because great cases our rare like Craniotomy and I circulated too to a Mastectomy. So far amputations are common here. I really love learning in the OR. In there I payed attention and watch the surgeons do sutures, what's the right sutures to use and what needle to use such as round or cutting. I even familiarize my self with the different kinds of stitches with the handouts one of professor provided for us. In the OR, it was such a high. I don't even know why anybody does drugs.

Cold or Not

2008-12-11T21:55:00.000-08:00

If you watch ER, you'll never forget the heroic measures the characters have on the show. I have to admit that my relatives are very interested in the medical world. I've watched with them all movies that has something to do with doctors, and I've watched all the medical series I am interested in watching. I don't know why but it just seems like I'm surrounded with anything but medical all my life.
Almost everyone in out house loves the idea of me becoming a doctor someday. At first I was just loving the idea until I realize that I really want to become like the doctors in ER because they are so good and amazing. I'm not sure when but I've always imagine myself years from now as a medical doctor.
I even remember my mom letting me play with her stethoscope, she makes me listen to heartbeat, and because my mom has lots of allergies, I even watch her inject herself some medicine. I thought only doctors gets to have a stethoscope. When I bought mine I am overjoyed. My stethoscope to me is like my husband. My mother is a nurse. Since I am going to become a doctor they've planted or suggested the idea that it is my responsibility to take take of my relative's health.

Then one day, I can't forget my Aunt telling me that maybe I shouldn't become a doctor because they don't have feelings. Because one of my Aunt, I call her Mama, has a heart disease, it actually stopped a lot of times when she was confined.They have successfully resuscitated her but I think the doctor told my Aunt, that Mama has few chances I think, I don't really remember. I don't want to assume. Whatever the doctor told her, it really offended her. I have nothing against nurses but I love to become a doctor. The point is she does not understand what doctors do. She thinks does not have feelings, that they are cold-blooded or that they are inhuman but that's not true.
She didn't have any idea that any health care needs to master facing death everyday, that they need to stop their self from getting involve because it will disrupt them from making the right decision and it will cloud their judgment. Telling a family member is always the hard thing but it is important that you don't give them false hopes and to not promise recovery when you can't even guarantee it and it's very disappointing if they promised you something and it didn't happen. Only God can promise something. Would you rather have your doctor tell you a lie so he won't hurt your feelings? I know it could be harsh but if I am a doctor, I will do my very best and give everything I can to help a patient but I am not going to promise something I never guarantee. I can't blame my Aunt I think she is just emotional and hurt because it's one of loved ones life they are talking about. Maybe if I am the doctor the one is talking to, I would have felt the same thing but we can't really know. Well there are doctors who treats patients as if they are not human, as if they don't have feelings but I don't fall to that category. I have feelings and I know how hard it is but I have learned to detach myself because I need to do it for myself. It's protection to keep me standing to be functional to my patients because that is why I am there in the first place. Some people don't have any idea how it feels, how you are going to face the family and tell them that they're loved one is gone, or has few months to live.

I started my shift in the hospital after only three months my grandfather died. We we're assigned at the medical ward. Further inside exist an isolation ward., that is where they put the most critical and infectious patients. I mean that is why they are isolated. In the past my two bestfriends also had a loved one who died. In our first week, our clinical instructor (CI) shocked us right away with a patient's death. To graduate as a nurse there are certain skills you have to perform. As nursing students, we are practically there in the hospital for some hands on experience on patients dead and alive. I got different reactions from my friends. My one friend has the same reaction with mine, we we're like re-living the moment our loved one died. My other friend reacted as if nothing signifant is happening. The next day, I talked to her, I think I've asked her about the patient who died yesterday, I can't forget her telling me she can't let herself be emotional and involved with a patient's condition or death because it will disturb your mind, and it will cloud your judgment. Then I realize she was right. If that happens, you won't be able to help your other patients. So the next day when another two patients died, I'm more than fine. It was sad but instead of acting like I'm the one who have lost someone, this time I think I did the right thing, I am one of the few who volunteered to clean the patient's body. I wouldn't say I don't have feelings when I was taking care of the body, to tell you truth me and my friends have caught myself saying sorry to the patient a lot of times if I feel that I've hurt him. I am treating him as if he was still alive. It's not a bad thing actually. I guess I was just saying goodbye. After we took care of the body, silently I prayed for him. Since that day I've learned and mastered detaching myself and not to let myself get affected with my patient's condition. I do my best to take care of them because that's the least I can do to make it better for the patient and for the family. I don't want to scare anyone but it took me days to forget the face of the two patients who died. I can't forget the one patient my two male classmates cleaned when he died. He died from hemorrhage. It was really bloody, you can smell the blood and worst you can even taste the blood in your tongue. It's vivid and very creepy. It's like I'm still there. At nights while lying in my bed, I could still see clearly while looking at the ceiling how bloody the scene is as if I am re-living the moment he died. I had a hard time sleeping but I eventually move on but I didn't forget about that patient. Anyway once in a while there are still patients that affected me. I just keep it to myself and do what I need and have to do because I need to be very sensible and rational because you are dealing with life there not toys. You can't afford to make a mistake.

Some health workers gets so involved with their patient's condition some don't. Letting yourself be affected only does two things, it either motivates you to do more to help the patient or it disturbs you and makes you less competent in making the right decisions. I fall on the second category, feelings disturbs me. It does not do me any good.

Re-enactment

2008-12-07T21:59:00.001-08:00

I have new ideas for a story. I've just taken some notes so I won't forget. As I brainstorm for more ideas, images of my past came to me and I saw where my British accent came from. Well I don't really have an accent but I could accentuate British.

It started with the family movie "Parent Trap" starring Lindsay Lohan (as Hallie Parker and Annie James), Natasha Richardson (as Elizabeth James) and Dennis Quaid (as Nicholas Parker). It's a great movie for the whole family. You should rent it. It came out last 1998. It is about a young couple who got divorced and decided they both kept one child and never to see each other again. Now that's where Lindsay comes in the picture. She played a twin in the movie as Hallie Parker daughter of Nicholas Parker who lived in Napa, California and as Annie James daughter of Elizabeth James who lived in London, England.

The twins met up at the camp and decided to switch places to give each other a chance to meet their father and mother.

My Aunt rented it and watched it with me and my cousins. We enjoyed it and bought our copy. We watch it almost everyday. We love the movie so much we know every line from every scene. We all got our chances to play Annie and Hallie. We run their lines and actions everyday including the so called accent, that's how we play. Though I remember I always get to play Annie all the time. We even know the songs, the name of the producer and the director by heart.

We eventually out gre it but as for me in school whenever my friends do prank calls to some of their friends, they always get me to the accent over the phone. I don't know how or why I guess I just got to used it and I have to admit, the accent sounds nice, perfect and sophisticated that sometimes I try doing it for the sake of playing myself. You know, some people feel shy doing it because they think they might sound stupid or an idiot. As for me, I didn't because me and cousins grew up doing it. We're doing it as if it's just normal for us to speak that way. Remembering now, it just makes me laugh. I saw the movie again and found out that I still know the lines and I can still do the accent. It's easy, funny and enjoyable! It's great! It's fun!

Then there's the spice girls favorited by all even my Aunt, me and my cousins. At home we got every album, cd, record, movie and their concerts. We also know the movie lines as much as we know the word of every song and the step of every dance of their song. That's how me and my cousins use to bond together. We don't do that anymore. Well, I'm not saying we should, it's children stuff, but hey who does get over their childhood. Besides according to a research, nobody gets over their childhoods. It was memorable and fun while it lasted.

Now, me and my cousins bond my reading books. We all love to read books. We have our own thing though, I have a cousin who loves to draw and read, her younger sister which is more closer to me is somehow still a child at heart loves to read and write as well. I'm more closer to her because we when we're younger, we are always the only children at home. Her older sister and brother are at school. I go to school but I have a different schedule. Actually she's the one I'm always with when re-enacting Annie and Hallie from Parent Trap. I always get to play Annie because she's too young to immitate the accent. She's having a hard time.

The Piano

2008-12-07T21:57:00.000-08:00

My grandparents in the past didn't have the money to have their children play piano lessons. When it came to us, they took the opportunity to enroll me and my cousins. Now all of us at home knows how to play the piano. Unfortunately, it could have worked for me, but my mother did something I never though she'll do. I told her to enroll me on voice lessons. I clearly remember that's the first time I voice out something I really love to do. She dismissed it and enrolled me to piano lessons behind my back. From that day on, I struggled to play the piano for my grandmother to make her happy but I'm too lazy to play the piano. I even began to hate it because whenever I don't practice my grandmother will always tell me that I don't have ambitions. That I am this and that. She said I'll never succeed because I'm not going to become a good pianist. I've attend piano lessons for five years. It's still my fault. If only I told my grandmother that I don't want to play the piano, she could have given me something I really want, something I wouldn't be even timid to practice, and something I'll even do willingly with my eyes closed but I didn't.

Since I stopped playing piano, I never played the piano like I used to. When my cousins ask me to play something so they can learn it, I play it for them. I do like the sound of the piano but I hate it so much that I rather listen to someone who's good at playing than play for myself. There are a lot of times that my grandmother will shout at me, and preach me so that I'll play the piano. I eventually did but I always end up playing with anger, that I could destroy the piano by not playing but by pounding so hard on the keys. That's right! I tried venting my anger on the piano. There are other times that when my grandmother started telling me that I don't have ambitions and that I've wasted so much money, I'll indeed play the piano but I'll never play the pieces I'm supposed to practice. Instead I'll play lonesome pieces always. Expressing to them how sad I am when playing the piano but they are very insensitive to notice.

I hated the piano because I can't believe that on the first time I asked something for my mother, she totally ignored me. From that day on, I stop asking anything for her. I hated the piano because I've missed a lot of things. I am playing the piano when I'm supposed to be watching movies with my cousins and aunts, I am playing the piano when I could rather be with my classmates at the mall, or hang at a friend's house. Damn it! Whether I like it or not, I chose playing the piano for five years rather than doing something I love. That is why I hated the piano so much.

They wanted me to become a pianist somehow aside from a doctor. The doctor is always been a part of my plan no one can change that. The career they're planning for me didn't workout between us because I didn't want it. To them it's because I don't have ambitions.

We are indeed to have a piano. A lot of people wants to learn the piano and have one. A lot of our classmates when they visited the house, the piano is always the main attraction. Most of the time they'll end playing the piano rather than doing what they've have come for in the first place. I know I have to be grateful. Well I am grateful that we could have the luxuries in life that others couldn't have. I do appreciate the piano but I can't get myself to like it. There are times that the piano calls to me that I wanted to play something but for myself. When that feeling comes, I don't touch the piano I ignore it. Because again and again, it will come to me that I hated the piano because it took me five years to play it. I don't want waste my time on that piano anymore. I just couldn't. If you want help with piano I'll help you but don't you ever oblige me and don't appeal to my conscience. It is my fault that it took my five years, I can still play the piano, and I will play the piano on my terms and when I want to.

Why I Am So Doubtful Of My Story?

2008-11-19T01:20:00.000-08:00

When I started watching X-Files, I told myself I will never write any fanfiction for them. Because I know that I will have a hard time writing their characters, lines, attitudes, and beliefs. If I am going to write them, I want them to come out, just like what I see, what I hear, and what I watch in the series. And even though the series is so close to me that I'm sure I've seen the episodes more than once or that I know them somehow by heart. I still don't get them because they don't speak their minds. I mean in the show, everything is obvious but they don't admit anything.

The idea just came to me when I saw The X-Files: I Want To Believe trailer about 3rd of August I think. Besides there are other more important things to prioritize, you know, paper works, projects, final exams, PRC forms, cases in the hospital, completing patient information and a lot more. I still didn't do anything until the last week of August, I just started writing it. Because I remembered a book, that said whenever you have an idea, you should write it. It might come out productively.

Well I met someone on the chatroom by accident. She lives in B something I think, I'm not sure, I forgot anyway. We kind of chat about our self and I shared to her that I used to write fanfiction. Not that I don't write anymore. It's just that I don't have much time. Until there's this day where we are fooling around and keeps on making fun of each other. She wants to become an actress. She wants a fanfiction from any shows. She asked me if I could write one for her to use in their play. She said I could choose from any shows that I've been watching lately. At the moment, I was updating myself with X-Files, so I chose X-Files. I thought she was joking until her deadline to passing the script is almost up. God! I said yes to her. So I crammed writing something.I came up with the story right away inspired of my close friend and continued writing the other story. So I was writing both of them. I finished the story and just send it to her by yahoo messenger using my old email. I don't use it anymore. If she didn't pressure me to finish it right away, the story would have been more complicated, so I ended it as fast as I can. But I still want to write it the way I want to. So as of now, I am still writing it. But I am going to summarized it, because it's a bit too long.

Well about the other story regarding X-Files. I wanted to focused on Alien Invasion. And I wanted to write a good ending for Mulder and Scully. Like I said I already have the story. I just need to finish typing what's in my mind. Well my doubt starts here. It would have been easier to just type it. But everytime I read it, I honestly know they wouldn't end up that way. Because in the show, Scully and Mulder, both of them, stay on their own comfort zones. They have a relationship in the movie but its too rocky and they are not doing anything to fix it. Maybe they are but it isn't enough. That's why I don't think their relationship is going to work out. I mean as much as I really want them, love them to end up together. They just can't because it means risking what they have. It means taking their relationship in a more deeper level. Being more open to what they feel to each other. And at the same time, of course, I would love them to finish what they started in the FBI. The truth they've been looking for 9 years is about to happen in my story, they are the one who should be, will only be the one who can fix it or stop the situation. But as you've notice on the current movie, they don't work out that well anymore.

I would really love to finish my damn story. Damn! It's not easy writing them. Seriously it's not easy. I really want to finish it. I really love to finish it. And I really want my story to come out, or to sound exactly like Scully and Mulder. You dont know how hard to write the story. I have to re-watch a lot of episodes to connect everything related to Alien Invasion. I think I've re-watch more than 10 episodes to get some perspectives. It's really funny I even know their lines. I've took a big leap in order to create a theory and to connect the dots to the make the X-File case happen. I feel very silly with the theory I've formed. It's very plausible and if Scully is going to hear it, she'll find the theory hard to believe but it's happening infront of her. Because of what I've wrote. I am somehow laughing at the length of the figments of my imagination. My other problem is, before I start to write I always read the ones I've written before, I always end up editing a lot of things. It's like my story is going to need a lot more time. I edit a lot and I write less. Did you know that, I am somehow a bit proud of myself. Because I think I didn't ruin their relationship in my story. I didn't put sex scenes, come on! everyone watching X-Files is waiting for them to get it on. I just can't afford to messed up everything. And besides even though they did slept once before. I don't want to write a sex scene something like that. I want it to have an important meaning to both of them. I don't want it to mean just as a one night stand. I just hate it. Of course, that night, I think it wasn't really a night stand. Its two sad friends comforting each other or maybe that is what I just want to believe. So I don't think I can finish it. Well its not out character seriously. I just want it to come out like the series. Of course if you are going to read some of what I've written it's not far-fetch at all. It's fine.

The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks

2008-11-13T19:03:00.000-08:00

"After thirty years, Wilson Lewis is forced to face a painful truth. His wife, Jane, has fallen out of love with him, and it is entirely his fault. Despite the shining example of his in-laws, Noah and Allie Calhoun (originally recounted in The Notebook), and their fifty years love affair, Wilson is unable to express his true feelings. He has spent to little time at home and too much at the office. Now his daughter is about to marry, and his wife is thinking about leaving him. But if Wilson is sure of anything, it's this: His love for Jane has grown over the years, and he will do anything he can to save their marriage. With the memories of Noah and Allie's inspiring life together as his guide, he vows to find a way to make his wife fall in love with him...all over again."

- Summary from The Wedding Novel

I just need to share it so that others will have an idea of what I'm about to say. It was July when I saw "The Wedding" on my favorite bookstore. Curiosity started to ignite inside me and made me come back almost everyday contemplating if it's going to be a waste of money or if it's going to be worth it. I was 17 yrs old, I've read a few novels but only Sidney Sheldon's work owned by my mother, and my aunts. It's a bit expensive for me because I never tried to buy anything for myself. I always need to ask permission if I could have it. Until one day, I got lucky. I started going summer classes that may help me when the first semester starts. My grandfather gave me my allowance for one month. I ran off the school as fast as I can and went straight to the bookstore, got myself a copy of The Wedding, pay for it, and went home. I was very excited, I started thumbing the novel on my way home. After changing clothes, I settled to my best position at the table in my room and started reading it.

Unexpectedly I finished reading the whole thing just in less than a day. From then on, I started buying all Nicholas Sparks novel he made and read it right away. I didn't tell you what was my reaction toward the story. The story meant a lot to me. I just realized that last night, while reading it again for the second time. That novel is the best thing I've ever read in my entire life and I'll never get tired of reading it again.

Since the movie trailer of Nights in Rodanthe came out, I've been dying to see it because it's a good story. When I first saw the trailer, I know there was something familiar in it, I continued watching the trailer as it the story slowly unfolds in front me, then before they revealed the title of the movie. It already slipped my mouth in a bit loud voice, "Night's in Rodanthe I'm definitely going to watch this." Even the trailer song they've used fits the story so much, it was presented in a very romantic way. After saying those words, the title was revealed about a minute or so, I was right and made the other people at my side turn to me curious how did I know. I answered I've read it before then smiled shyly at them.

I started remembering the The Wedding and it came to me that it would be nice, if someone will also do it as a movie. I know it's going to be a great movie, maybe not like The Notebook but I know it's going to be a good one because unexpected twist and turn of the story. Remember it's the novel that started my addiction with Nicholas Sparks novels. I am loyal to his work. Whenever I think of a book that would be good in moving pictures, I also try to choose which actors would be great to play them. I've seen a lot of movies, and I love watching series. I know a lot of actors, but the people who came to my mind then is GA and DD because I like them and because I know it would be something different from the roles they've played together in the past but somehow maybe the role won't be good for them. I don't want to be biased, you know I would love them to play the role just because I like to see them together on screen again.

Last night, I don't know what made me do it. I grabbed my copy and started reading it again. I only remember the beginning and the end of the story, but the significance and the climax of the story is actually sort of, at the middle. I really felt that I need to see it. I think I've read it for less than 4 or 5 hours. I am a fast reader. I won't do anything unless I finish something I started reading. That's the way I am even before so I get to finish a lot of books immediately.

When you read any story you imagine the characters doing exactly what you're reading. It's silly but when I was reading it last night, I wasn't imagining the characters I've read before, instead the characters I imagine while reading it is DD and GA. It is so silly but I enjoyed reading it more than I did before. I brainstormed and wondered a lot if they can play the characters or if they'll look good playing it. Maybe they can. If I am going to compare the characters to DD and GA. There is a possibility. I know here I am again, talking about possibility. Anyway I think DD and Wilson has little similarities I think, as for Jane, all I can say is this, every time Wilson describes his wife in different words at the story, its like an any automatic picture or video clip of GA comes to my mind which made an impression to me and made me think that GA and Jane has lots of similarities. I am not sure about that but that's what I feel and have notice while reading the story.

I love that novel so much because of Wilson and Jane's love for each other and to their children, but I will never compare Mulder and Scully's relationship. It's different but precious too. Though I think that somehow, in a little or bigger way, I don't know, I'll say I felt that they can be compared to DD and GA's relationship towards each other. I didn't say they have a romantic relationship, so don't assume. I am referring to it as an interpersonal relationship. Regardless of the status friends, brother-sister, best of friends, whatever it is, I think it has the same character, smoothness, and complicatedness. It's funny but that's what I think.

I would really love to see The Wedding as a movie, all things considered, whoever the actors who will play it. I know it is going to be a great romantic movie wherein the characters had focused on the importance of not ceasing but to keep showing what you feel to your special someone. It is going to be a great movie to watch with family to recapture the good and bad moments and importance of it in each other's life. The best parts I really love at the story is Noah's House, I'll pay big money just to see it, feel it, and smell it even just for a second and of course the wedding itself.

The story has a very deep important meaning to me. I just started realizing it when I'm nearing the end of the story. I actually cried after reading.

So before I finish this, I wanted to leave lines from the novel that really captured and have affected me. I won't say who said it and when if you want to know, please read it. You won't regret it. If you're not interested then it's your loss.

"It's funny, but have you ever noticed that the more special something is, the more people seem to take it for granted? It's like they think it won't ever change.-Noah, The Wedding"

"It's possible for two people to fall in love all over again, even there's been a lifetime of disappointment between them.-Wilson, The Wedding"

What Keeps A Person Sane

2008-11-12T21:27:00.000-08:00

The person who created Sims is so brilliant. I've been playing Sims for years now, and I just understood the significance of sanity in the game and in real life. It is the same thing. A person has lots of wants and needs but he can't get all they want. In the game, if the sim didn't fulfill some of his wants and needs, he'll end up in the mental institution. It’s the same thing in real life. Now I wanted to share information about what keeps a person sane, how you would know if a person is insane, how to detect if someone is becoming insane because a lot of people take this things for granted.

So what keeps a person sane? First let's keep it simple. Wants and Needs keep a person sane. But right now, I'll focus on the most important thing a person needs. Like how really important it is for a person to have his needs fulfilled.

There are 4 classes of Deficiency needs:
1) Physiological, Physical, or Survival Needs (such as food, sex, sleep, etc.)
2) Safety Needs (Need for Security)
3) Belongingness and Love Needs (Need for friends and acquaintances)
4) Esteem Needs (Self-Respect)

Next is 3 classes of Growth needs
1) The need for self-actualization (Fulfilling ones potentialities)
2) Desire to know and understand (The cognitive impulse)
3) Aesthetic Needs (Beauty and Harmony in life)

Alright, now those are the needs that should be fulfilled in a person's life at the right time. The deficiency needs should be accomplish first before growth needs. Because by meeting those needs, it reduces psychological tension and restore our equilibrium (homeostasis), but the tension experienced in growth needs seems to add to the zest of life.. In English, it means it reduces the risk of the person of having psychological problems in the future. (Colliers Encyclopedia, Humanistic Theories of Personality 19-469)

The growth needs are also important. Why? It is the criterion for Mental Health. It is very important to fulfill the needs of a person especially when he is still young. Why? Before establishing adult identity, childhood conflicts will come back. It is a second attempt to master conflicts over childhood drives. If this is not resolved, child remains vulnerable to psychopathology. So for example if some deficiency and growth needs are not fulfilled in a person's life. Then you are screwed. It is either you are living your life mentally ill for years. It will take a matter of time until he snaps or finally loses control. Depending on the needs that he lack, it's just two things. He'll either hurt someone or himself.

Here are some things that could help monitor if parent has raised his child right. So we can tell that this person will grow mentally and psychologically well.

Erik Erikson 8 stages of development

- Trust vs. Mistrust - learns to love & be loved.
- Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt - learns independence
- Initiative vs. Guilt - learns basic problem solving
- Industry vs. Inferiority - learns how to do things well
- Identity vs. Role confusion - learns who he/she is and adjusts to body image
- Intimacy vs. Isolation
- Generativity vs. Stagnation
- Integrity vs. Despair

Sources of maladaptive mechanism according to Erik Erikson's 8 stages of development

- unreliable provision of basic needs of caregiver.
- over controlling, neglecting/ rejecting parents or caregiver.
- failure to develop trust and self-esteem
- poor self-esteem
- peer pressure, divorce, lack of empathy, inconsistencies
- lack of validation from early caregivers
- Divorce, Emptiness syndrome, Menopause, and retirement
- Death

Now if anyone of you has experience anything from the maladaptive mechanisms, then you are at risk for mental, and psychological disorders. Because you are vulnerable to being sick doesn't mean you can't do something about it. Since a child rarely speaks and I am sure you won't hear a child saying "I have a problem. I am experiencing this and that and its affecting me too much. I encourage parents to give time to listen to their child has to say. If you can't do that then you can't assure him anything. Even if you try assuring him, your child won't believe you because he doesn't trust you. There are children who speak about their problems but they get ignored, and misunderstood. Parents now don't understand what the importance of some things to their child's life no matter how small it is. Because they are the adults, their way is always the better one.

The way a child is raise can also affect how he is going to develop in the future. The importance of infantile experience for certain personal characteristics has been confirmed by studying the childrearing methods of various primitive cultures. Typical adult personalities are aggressive and acquisitive; infants are submitted to considerate nursing frustration and given little affection and attention. Where the typical adult personalities are friendly and properties are willingly shared, infants are nursed when they wish and as long as they wish and are given ample evidences of continuous affection. (Colliers Encyclopedia, Basic Principles of Psychoanalysis 19-453)

To a grown up, if he has experiences any of the maladaptive mechanisms or let's say there are problems that affects them so much, that is where interpersonal relationship comes in, friends, parents, and spouses that's what they do in a person’s life. They help them get through those hardships in life. They give them complete assurance, comfort, and hold them at their weakest. So a person shouldn't go through problems, or hardships in life alone, no matter how petty or pathetic it is they always need someone. An independent person can solve his problems alone but what if that person becomes vulnerable. Do you really think, he will still have a clear, level head to make the right decisions? If he didn't make the right decisions, that is where things in their life tries to fall apart.

A person who loses it does different things. They could regress to childhood behavior. An example of that is a person who has outgrown his favorite toy and starts to play it again. Why? because when his young, playing that toy makes him happy. Some people cry in a fetal position. The fetal position itself indicates that his vulnerable and he needs to be nurture, to be held by anyone who can provide him comfort and assurance.

You know in the past I got tired of men hating whiny talkative women, because they don't understand why women do that. Women do that to cope from frustrations. They tell their girlfriends a story or a problem that had arise at home, in school, or in workplace. Then they tell them how it is affecting them and how much they hate some thing or they show you how mad or angry they are. Before I could almost hate my best friend because I thought, she is projecting her anger on me. Which she is but she is not doing it intentionally. It is her defense mechanism, which is called displacement to be able to cope with her frustration.

Defense mechanisms are thought to safeguard the mind against feelings and thoughts that are too difficult for the conscious mind to cope with. In some instances, defense mechanisms are thought to keep inappropriate or unwanted thoughts and impulses from entering the conscious mind. (What Is a Defense Mechanism? By Kendra Van Wagner, About.com)

There are a lot of defense mechanisms that could explain a person's behavior. Every one can be mentally ill in a moment of their life once they've have use defense mechanisms in their everyday life. Actually defense mechanisms are normal but once you use them too often, they become unhealthy for the person using it. Few of them are commonly known such as denial the failure to accept unpleasant reality, projection outward/attributing ones thoughts, feelings and failures toward others, introjection is blaming self, rationalization is justifying behavior by magnifying a resume that is publicly acceptable, intellectualization is using logical explanation to painful event, repression is unconscious forgetting, regression is going back to an earlier stage of development such as sleeping in fetal position, displacement is taking anger or transferring feelings to a safer object, person, or situation, resistance instinctive opposition to criticism, withdrawal is pathologically isolating self from others, and fantasy dwelling into ones imagination. Excessive imagination may lead to delusion of grandeur. So be careful not to fantasize a lot. It will hurt you. Remember that person who uses introjection as a defense mechanism has suicidal tendencies due to depression.

That is why it is important for a person to have someone who will care for him no matter what. One person could provide everything. I really believe in that. But it's nicer if a child's parents would provide him all of that. So he will grow up the right way and with a right mind.

References:

- Colliers Encyclopedia
> Psychology: Basic Principles of Psychoanalysis 19-453
> Psychology: Theories of Personality: Psychodynamic Theories of Personality: Erik Eriskon's Eight Stages of Development 19-469
> Psychology: Humanistic Theories of Personality: Maslow's Two Levels of Motivation Two orders of Needs 19-469
- Mapua Psychiatry Handouts
> Psychiatry: Maladaptive Mechanisms
> Psychiatry: Defense Mechanisms
- http://psychology.about.com/od/dindex/g/defensemech.htm

Platonic Relationship

2008-11-12T02:04:00.000-08:00

Platonic Relationship

What is platonic relationship? According to plato it is a relationship between individuals of the opposite sex marked by the absence of romance or sex. To put it simply, a platonic relationship is close friendship between a man and a woman. When I was young, I remembered reading a different definition which is pure and soul full friendship between a man and a woman. Haha.. I thought it was a friendship between a priest and a nun. I'm sorry I know I was being stupid, innocent and really gullible.

I never really know what it means until I came accross my friend's research about it. Actually I've read those papers before maybe when I was in highschool I think but I didn't undertand it that much until I've found it and read it again just few weeks ago. In those papers, it didn't really defined what the term means, it just described a lot of situations between a man and a woman. I've lost those papers so I am just going paraphrased what I will remember, so far.

It's when you and your guy friend tells each other everything, ask each other for advices, when he needs a date, you'll be his date, when you need a date, he'll be your date, but you are just friends. It also said that when he has problems with the girls he wants to court or when he has problems with his family, he runs to you and vice versa.

Another instances is when your guy friend's parents ask him if he has a girlfriend, you also get to pretend in front of them as his girlfriend. You get to have the same favor if ever you need to show your parents or friends that you really got a guy they could trust. Besides its always better for them to assume that their child is going to end up with someone they know and you know for a long time. Just like the movie Made of Honor. The hard part is accepting the fact that you fell inlove with your bestfriend and confessing to her your feelings.

Now here's the interesting part for me, cause when I started to read, it reminded me of my conversation with friendster. It says when your guy friend has a girlfriend, your guy friend starts to spend more time with her, and since you are his friend, you have to step back for a while so that their girlfriend won't get jealous. As his friend, he'll know that you understand so they really don't have some explaining to do. When they finally split up with their girlfriend, they expect you to be back in their life as if nothing happened. But of course, you can never deny the weird jealous feeling.Then you try to ask your self, "we're friends and we're better off as friends why are you jealous?" honestly I've asked myself that in the past. Well the thing is if you have a guy friend that's normal. I've got used to it. Whenever friendster has a girlfriend I stay away from him for a while. I don't text how he is and if I have a problem I try to solve it myself for a while. Then if he doesn't have a girlfriend anymore, that's where I start to talk to him as long as I can. It's a cycle I've learned to dance gracefully.

Can Platonic relationship turn to a romantic one?

Yes, it actually can if both of you fell for each other. It's when you woke up in the morning, before you just see each other as friends, but now you can't see yourself without that person anymore. I've always wanted that kind of relationship but unfortunately that kind of relationship is not that easy. It has a certain of complicatedness. To tell you the truth, a lot of people has problems like that, they have feelings for each other but they are not acting on them because it might ruin their friendship. I actually know a lot of people with that kind of relationship. In highschool, and college.

Some of them have worked. Some of them didn't. I actually felt bad for my friend. Her guy friend thought she didn't love him because she stayed away from him after asking her if she loves him. The truth is she loves him too much. But he is a kind of a player. So she told me that, she doesn't want to get hurt. I don't know what he really feels for her. I don't trust him that much. I don't think he told me all the truth. So I don't really know? They were best of friends for more than a year I think, until a problem started, destroying everything and their friendship. I actually wrote a story about them which I'm still about to finish yet.

So far, marriage that have started platonicly or not but had developed in the process, is rumored to be the best way to describe the best way to describe a couple with strong bond that no one could just alter, stop, or destroy. Mostly because of they have gone through in the past and what they started to mean to each other for all the times they stood beside each other.

Platonic Relationship to Romantic Relationship example:
http://tv.msn.com/tv/emmys/most-memorable-moments/?GT1=28103
http://www.fandango.com/whenharrymetsally_v54134/summary

For those who have platonic problems, maybe this site could help you:
http://www.azcentral.com/ent/dating/articles/2008/06/07/20080607friendromance.html
http://www.enotalone.com/article/1668.html
http://www.entertainmates.com/friendship/friendship_tips_009.asp
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20010901-000031.html
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsNK0u.M.D6ZMtjeW4VPIaVFzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20081008021922AAlFiO4

Reasons Why People Love X-Files

2008-10-19T14:38:00.000-07:00

I found out about X-Files back in Elementary.

First is if you first watch it, you'll think its a horror series. I didn't watch the series that much when I was younger because I'm still afraid of a lot of things and the language is too mature for me to understand.

So I just really started to appreciate it is when I turned 13. I was a first year high school. Even though I don't quite understand the medical terms and the psychological terms. What attracted me in the show almost everything or the fact that they try to explain something unexplainable and also because it's endlessly entertaining.

Here I'll give you my reasons why people love watching it, and still wanting more.

My first reason is the Paranormal Phenomenon. For me I don't know how or why but I am very interested in that topic. I started at a very young age researching at the internet and watching anything I can in the television concerning that topic. Like I guess, I am looking for an explanation to something mystic.

Next is how Mulder and Scully gets to profile their suspects and understand why their doing what they are doing. The Human Behavior really fascinates me. That's why in high school you will find me as a average girl. I'll sit in the corner quite in my own world or if not analyzing the people around me. Why? Well just in case they quarrel me. Someday I'll know where to hit the right spot. Yes, what I do is analyze my classmates strengths and weaknesses. I study and understand them. So that's when my interest in Psychiatry and Psychology came in.

When I got into college, even though our professors aren't teaching us about those topics, I've already read more than 5 books of Psyciatry and Psychology. Not sure if I believe it or not but because of my interests, it became easy to me to know if a person is a liar or not, and most importantly to predict what kind of personality they have, or if they have a problem or not, or if they are a problem, them self.

My other reason why I love watching it, is I love how they come up with new cases to solve every new episode. As for the Alien part, my interest in Genes has furthered but I won't go further researching about it because they'll give me a headache.

Another reason is Mulder and Scully's Romance or what others commonly know as MSR. I love how they interact to each other even though they believe different things. I love the way they respect, care, and love each other. I love that they are willing to sacrifice their life for each other. And it is really romantic that the person they only trust the most is each other. Like they have a world of their own. I really love their chemistry. I love the characters a lot. They are very insightful and interesting to watch and listen. Sometimes because of their educational background, I don't know who to believe anymore because they are way too convincing. If I wasn't a nursing student, I wouldn't understand what I'm watching. In a way, I know the series by heart. I've learned a lot from it.

Maybe now, to those who are reading this, you might be wondering if I am a skeptic or a believer. But I'll assume that you are going to put me at the side of the skeptics or in Scully's side because the Science background I have.

Well to tell you the truth, I don't know myself. But I am a believer. Why? Because of life experiences. I am not a psychic and I don't have ESP powers but I will admit that since high school there are weird stuff about me that have happened that I've kept to myself until college. Like my dreams coming true, visions that coming true in a matter of time or days, and able to know information and predict things. To me I think I believe its just familiarity. You know how they say that you should always listen to your instincts. I am that kind of person. I listen a lot to the little voice inside me. I don't have a third eye. They are just things I can do that I can't explain how I did it.

The only explanation I can give is me being familiar with situations. That helps me a lot to know what's going to happen next. But I can never explain how I could read a person like know why they are doing what they are doing, or how I could know an information about a certain person without anyone telling me. Let's just say they are educated guesses and lucky hunches. I am not a skeptic. I believe in those things. I believe in things even though you can't explain it. I know that as a person who studies science, you should or you are to always believe in things surrounded with hard core evidence. But I am too open-minded to be that kind of person. I know that some things are real even though there's no evidence. It doesn't make it not real just because it doesn't have an evidence and just because you can't explain them how it happened.

To tell you the truth, in some ways I believe spiritual beliefs and some scientific beliefs that are based on hard evidence can somehow coexist or be in unity. Though of course, if you ask for a explanation, it wouldn't be as substantial as you want. Cause how can you get an evidence when it comes to the topic spirituality. But I do know for sure that in the future, a lot of questions about this two contradicting topics will be answered.

Well, I wish that my ramblings makes sense, and will not offend anyone who have read this. Besides just because I said it doesn't mean its real. This are all just base on my beliefs, principles, and knowledge I know about the concerned topics. I still dont' know everything. What I've said above might even be wrong. So right or wrong, that's what I know and that's what I think.